I recently had an "ah ha" moment of the negative variety. I suppose that makes it more of an "oh no" moment. Now, I know that this won't seem like much of a revelation to those of you who know me. In fact, part of the "ah ha" (or "oh no") moment that I had this week included remembering times in my life that people have tried to explain this to me before.
The revelation was this: I think that people who disagree with me must either not understand all of the facts involved or are being deliberately stupid. Worse, I then either condescendingly try to "educate" them or treat them like the idiots that I think that they are.
Now, I know some of you are thinking, "That's just Paul being Paul. He didn't know this?"
Truthfully? I didn't. And that is hard for me to admit. Up until this week (seriously, just a few days ago), I thought that when people in the past have called me a jerk (or worse) that it was because of my tendency to say off-the-cuff (and sometime not entirely appropriate) jokes, my habit of quickly saying a "humorous" insult that fits the moment, or my penchant to pout when I am losing a game (and, yes, I understand that those are still some of the reasons that people might think I'm a jerk). I have been confused many times when someone has called me a jerk (usually worse) even though I haven't made one of those humorous comments or been anywhere near a competition with them. I have even rationalized it to myself that some people just don't like me for unknowable reasons (and that might still be the case in some instances).
The thing is ... I've always liked being the guy with the answers. I like telling people things that they didn't know before. I also hold some strong religious, ethical, economic, social, and political opinions, and I did not understand why other people did not hold them too.
One thing that my current classes has been helping me examine are my own biases, and I'm finding that I have quite a few. This past week, one of our readings focused specifically on how researchers unknowingly affect the results of their studies because of their unconscious body motions, facial expressions, and lines of questioning. It was when mentally applying the reading to myself that I had my ... well, I don't want to call it an epiphany due to its negative reflection on myself so ... anti-epiphany.
While knowing of a problem is a step towards fixing that problem, it has only made me more keenly aware of how often this is an issue for me. From online posts to comments made at school, I find myself judging people time and again as being ... tragically uninformed. I've caught myself multiple times in the past few days using facial expressions and body language to convey my feelings of their inadequacy.
This is going to be a long, hard struggle.
The revelation was this: I think that people who disagree with me must either not understand all of the facts involved or are being deliberately stupid. Worse, I then either condescendingly try to "educate" them or treat them like the idiots that I think that they are.
Now, I know some of you are thinking, "That's just Paul being Paul. He didn't know this?"
Truthfully? I didn't. And that is hard for me to admit. Up until this week (seriously, just a few days ago), I thought that when people in the past have called me a jerk (or worse) that it was because of my tendency to say off-the-cuff (and sometime not entirely appropriate) jokes, my habit of quickly saying a "humorous" insult that fits the moment, or my penchant to pout when I am losing a game (and, yes, I understand that those are still some of the reasons that people might think I'm a jerk). I have been confused many times when someone has called me a jerk (usually worse) even though I haven't made one of those humorous comments or been anywhere near a competition with them. I have even rationalized it to myself that some people just don't like me for unknowable reasons (and that might still be the case in some instances).
The thing is ... I've always liked being the guy with the answers. I like telling people things that they didn't know before. I also hold some strong religious, ethical, economic, social, and political opinions, and I did not understand why other people did not hold them too.
One thing that my current classes has been helping me examine are my own biases, and I'm finding that I have quite a few. This past week, one of our readings focused specifically on how researchers unknowingly affect the results of their studies because of their unconscious body motions, facial expressions, and lines of questioning. It was when mentally applying the reading to myself that I had my ... well, I don't want to call it an epiphany due to its negative reflection on myself so ... anti-epiphany.
While knowing of a problem is a step towards fixing that problem, it has only made me more keenly aware of how often this is an issue for me. From online posts to comments made at school, I find myself judging people time and again as being ... tragically uninformed. I've caught myself multiple times in the past few days using facial expressions and body language to convey my feelings of their inadequacy.
This is going to be a long, hard struggle.
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