Blog Archives - The Land of the Weird

The Land of the Weird

Nope

4/16/2020

I can't do it. Despite several false starts and multiple minutes just staring blankly at my computer screen, I just have to admit defeat. I apologize to the few of you who were expecting more from me and my blog post today, but I've been pushed too far and I cannot even come up with a response. With everything going on in the world ... with all of the nonsense being spread ... with all of the other pressures that I feel for myself, my wife, my family, my friends, and even those whom I do not know, this is simply more than I can bear.

How is it possible that we have feet of snow still piled on the ground, and yet I received my first mosquito bite of the year?

Catharsis

4/15/2020

I've been reading aloud stories that I assigned to my 11th grade English class, whose focus is on American Literature. This quarter focuses exclusively on the 1900s. To make this a more helpful tool, I'm making these recordings in video format with the text that I'm reading filling the screen and my face miniaturized in the bottom right corner.

Yesterday, I read "The Jilting of Granny Weatherall by Katherine Anne Porter. It's a fictional stream-of-consciousness depiction of the last day in an eighty year-old lady's life. Although there are some dark parts to the story (the ending is particularly fatalistic), I find much of the story uplifting, but sad.

Granny Weatherall is struggling with her memories; the past keeps drifting into her present. By the end, it is clear that, although she believes she's communicating with her children clearly, no one around her understands what she's saying. Meanwhile, they are all struggling with her imminent death (especially the daughter she currently lives with).

I couldn't read it without crying. I had to stop several times to compose myself and and try again. Today, while editing it, I lost my composure again, shedding tears and taking in ragged breaths for a character who never actually existed.

It felt good.

Stories like this allow for a purging of the emotions that build up within us. This story brought to mind not only the deaths of my own grandmothers, but also my fears of losing my memories and my grip of reality. Experiencing pieces of those thoughts and feelings while reading this story helps me to confront them and process them, giving me a chance to incorporate them into who I am as a person.

This is what great literature can do, and should do. This is why I love sharing great works from our past. We are not alone in our experiences; we part of a greater race of humanity.

The Big Bang Theory

4/14/2020

This past weekend, we finally watched the final episode of the final season of The Big Bang Theory. All-in-all, I loved the show. I was particularly impressed at how the characters developed as the show went on. In the beginning, their stereotypes felt more like they were laughing at the geek, nerd, and dork community rather than with them. However, as the seasons went on, instead of the characters becoming more hemmed in by their stereotypes (as happens on many a comedy series), these characters actually developed and changed, becoming more realistic and less of a caricature.

Sure, they still did stupid things and acted bizarrely, but they also created relationships that acknowledged their unique perspective on life. In fact, the maturing of their relationships throughout the show was one of my favorite parts. This is especially true since [spoiler alert] nearly all of the characters were in healthy marital relationships by the end of the series.

It amazes me that the show has been a part of my life for over a decade. We watched all of the seasons this year at Chloe's request (although her surprise departure left her about five episodes short of the conclusion) and so we were able to see the entire arc of the show's story and characterization. It was particularly amusing to see their reactions to various geekdom fads and technologies as they passed through the decade.

I was also quite impressed with the final season. They came to a deliberate closure that tied in plots and themes that existed throughout the series. They also managed to end with the show still being funny.

Also, the gag reels are worth watching.

Lifting Lenten Limitations

4/13/2020

One great thing about the season of Lent is that it gives me the opportunity to practice eliminating certain habits from (or adding certain habits to) my life for a trial period to see how things go. Some don't last a week into Lent. For that matter, some don't last a day. In the case of my trying to reduce my time on social media (as I have successfully done in previous years), that habit resurfaced just about the same time that our social restrictions started coming to bear.

Other changes are more successful. In this case, I managed to stay away from single player video games (with the exception of helping Rowen and Janelle with a couple of boss fights) for the entire time. I know these sacrifices to be temporary, and as proof, I quickly dove into my Easter gift of the Final Fantasy 7 Remake after the Easter Vigil.

However, there are a few changes that I manage to keep more permanent. This daily blog is an example of one such added habit that started with a Lenten promise. For this year, I think I might stick with my ban on phone games; we will see how long that lasts, but I have certainly done more reading with that activity halted. Another one that I would like to extend from this Lent (yes, I had several things I gave up this Lent) is my commenting on, or writing my own, political posts.

That was SO hard to give up and I was not always successful, especially with the charged political atmosphere that this current crisis has brought. Every day I struggled to not comment or write my own post on this political issue or that, yet I noticed that my lack of comment probably was not noticed. I also saw as people who were corrected (and who needed to be corrected) of their short-sighted, narrow-minded, and sometimes downright malicious views only dug in their heels more when confronted.

Thus, I'm going to try to keep my political comments and posts curtailed even though Lent is over. I know that I won't succeed all of the time (I couldn't all of the way through Lent), but I need to better focus my energies on more constructive activities ... like finishing this amazing remake of Final Fantasy Seven. Midgar won't save itself, you know.

Easter 2020

4/12/2020

As our pastor said in his homily, and as the Pope said in his, Easter is a story of hope. Jesus' resurrection brings us hope for the end of sin, hope for new life, and hope for a more glorious future. This hope is not some sort of weak optimism; it is a certainty that God has, is, and will redeem us. It is knowing that we are loved despite all that we have done or not done.

As much as I am moved by the Passion of Christ and the suffering that He endured, in my opinion the greater story is of Him overcoming death and getting His disciples to believe in the impossible. While movies have been made of His crucifixion, I feel that the greater movie would start at that point and follow His disciples on their path from despair and betrayal to their understanding and then preaching of Christ's message. What is often the denouement of movie versions of Christ's life is actually the most important part.

Christ's resurrection is the fulfillment of prophecies and covenants. It shows that God is true to His word. It demonstrates that God can take the most awful events and turn them into something glorious. It proves that we are right to place our hope in Him.

Holy Saturday 2020

4/11/2020

After Jesus' death, the Earth waited in quiet anticipation for His return. It was the Sabbath day, the day of rest. Jesus' body lay shrouded within a cave, a massive stone was across the entrance, and sentries were standing watch. Tomorrow morning, the sentries will be replaced with angels, the stone will be rolled away, and the shroud will be the only thing left in the cave, but that is tomorrow; today was one of waiting.

I my mind, I imagine that quiet day. His disciples hiding out of fear, their hearts full of shame. His mother and the women who followed Him making mild preparations to make certain that His body will be properly anointed. Meanwhile, a battle beyond all telling was taking place in another realm. The outcome was inevitable.

Jesus' arrival in our world had been heralded centuries before His birth. His sacrifice was also foretold. Tonight's vigil service walks the congregation through the story of our creation and redemption. It includes seven readings before the epistle. Starting with the beginning of creation, today's liturgy tells us of the covenants and prophecies which preceded His great sacrifice.

Christ conquered death! We have been redeemed! Hallelujah!

Good Friday 2020

4/10/2020

It's a common movie trope for a characters to profess their undying love for another. Sometimes they claim that they would die for their beloved. Such devotion is a pale shadow of the love of Christ who truly has undying love for us, and who was, in fact, willing to die for us. He lives for us as well.

The death of Jesus was a true death. This was not a trick or some sort of half-death. He really and truly died. In that moment, everything changed. His death allowed Him to conquer death and paved the way for all of His people to share in that victory.

His death came at noon, the point when the sun was highest in the sky. Before sunset, His body had been taken down from the cross, hastily prepared, and taken to the tomb. There it sat through the Sabbath, the day of rest. The sun that rose on Sunday brought light to the first Easter morning.

The story is one of hope; that things, no matter how bad they seem, can get better even if that seemed impossible before.

Holy Thursday 2020

4/9/2020

We participated as we could in the broadcasted mass from Anchorage. I still haven't figured out how to project Facebook Live events from my phone onto the TV. It works fine with YouTube.

In today's Gospel, Jesus tells His disciples to serve one another just as He had done with them in washing their feet. In his homily, the bishop noted that Jesus did not mean this idea literally. Rather, there are many ways that the followers of Jesus could "wash one another's feet."

What Jesus is asking is for us to serve one another rather than just serving ourselves. As the bishop noted, we are certainly testing that concept in the current crisis. We have been asked to place aside our normal patterns of daily life to help members of our community that we might never even meet. God alone knows how much our sacrifices have helped and will help stem the devastation that this disease could bring.

Different Dreams, Please

4/8/2020

Switching to an online platform has been time consuming. I am quite grateful that we were given two weeks to plan and prepare before getting students online as I am still scrambling to keep up and the students have only been in class for a week and a half. A large portion of the time has been spent in meetings (staff, colleague, department, class, student), but most of my time has been in building online content and commenting on student work and discussions.

The problem is that I haven't even been able to escape this in my dreams. I've had many nights in a row now of vivid dreams that have involved teaching online. They haven't been nightmares in the sense that something goes terribly wrong, but rather there is always something more to do in them. I wake up feeling anxious about getting content created that I don't even teach.

The good news is that the reality has been more pleasant than the dream version. I do feel like I'm making progress and am providing quality content and commentary for my students to continue to learn and grow despite us not being in a physical classroom together. I would just like to get away from it for a while.

Long Drive

4/7/2020

As rough as the drive to Fairbanks and back was near the beginning of this year, I think that today's drive to drop Chloe off at the airport is going to be more spiritually draining. Just the fact that we are saying goodbye for an indeterminable amount of time to a person who has become a part of our family is hard enough. That this had to come so early makes it quite a bit worse.

Normally, I enjoy the trip to Anchorage and back for the trip itself. I still plan on enjoying the scenery on the way up, but out of necessity, the way back will be in the dark (hopefully with some light from today's super moon) and especially lonely. Worse, the only destination I have in Anchorage is the airport. The stores will all be all closed before I get there (those that were still open to begin with), the restaurants will be in the same boat (and would have been take out only), and state mandate (as well as responsible social distancing) prevents me from visiting any of my friends.

Meanwhile, emptier roads with a mandate against traveling between communities without an essential reason (which this is; one of our friends checked with the State Troopers to be sure) means that I will be extra cautious about maintaining any and all speed limits and even suggestions (er ... not that I don't anyway ...). I will be relying on my backlog of "Wait, Wait ... Don't Tell Me!" to keep me awake and entertained on the drive back as I won't have a copilot on the return trip. Although Connor has volunteered to go with, I need to spend time in the airport with Chloe to make certain that she's settled, and I would not feel comfortable taking Connor in with me or leaving him in the car alone (not to mention it will be well past his bedtime ... which is one of the main reasons he wanted to go).

I'm really not looking forward to this trip.

Not Quite Dinobot Worthy

4/6/2020

I finished my first serious draft of Chapter 2 of my doctoral study today. Chapter 2 is the literature review of a study. The literature review is supposed to indicate that a researcher has made a thorough study of the recent research that has been done on the relevant topic. I've turned in other progress drafts in the past, but this was the first one that was past the minimum threshold of incorporating 50 scholarly articles.

Unfortunately, I know that I will have adjustments to make and this is only one of three chapters for my overall proposal. It's only after my proposal is completed that I can begin work on the actual research study that I plan to do. In short, there is a lot of work ahead of me still. Frankly, rather than feeling less stressed with this step done, my anxiety has actually been rising.

I need to remember that this was still a big accomplishment. I read over a hundred scholarly journals dedicated to gamification or some aspect of it. I scanned through at least a hundred more, and I perused the abstracts of hundreds still above that. I picked the ones that were most relevant and tried to arrange their information in a way that describes my reasoning for creating the study that I plan to run.

I should probably do something to celebrate, but I don't get to open the next Dinobot until the entire proposal meets URR (University Research Reviewer) approval.

Palm Sunday of the Lord's Passion

4/5/2020

We still have some technical difficulties to work out with watching the online mass. For some reason, I couldn't get the Facebook Live broadcast to project to my television, so we ended up participating while watching from the iPad instead. I cannot express how grateful I am that we still have the means to worship with one another this way even though we are physically separated. In a sense, this is like our relationships with friends and family who have passed away, but yet are still spiritually connected with us.

Today's Passion Reading from the Gospel of Matthew shows Jesus undergoing His final trials in His life. As the Messiah, He had the power to save Himself from the agony that He suffered. He could have avoided this pain and death in numerous ways. Yet He bore it anyway, knowing that He was saving us all in doing so. This is the ultimate sacrifice.

In comparison, the sacrifices that I have had to undergo in these trying times pale in comparison. As mentioned in today's homily, God can use death and suffering to help build a more glorious future. He can turn our sorrow to joy, our tears to laughter. Hopefully, I remember to use this time to better appreciate those things that I had taken for granted before this crisis began.

Early Departure

4/4/2020

With many other exchange students going home early, we knew that it was only a matter of time before Chloe would be heading home as well. This morning, her parents sent me Chloe's travel information; she will be leaving Tuesday night / Wednesday morning. Her agency was not able to arrange a flight up from Kenai, so I will be driving her up to Anchorage Tuesday night.

This is certainly not how we wanted to end her student exchange experience. As she arrived in mid-September, she never really got to experience anything except the cold and dark side of Alaska. She still says she had a great experience, but I do wish that we could have done more.

Interestingly, she hopes that our school will keep her enrolled even after she leaves. She wants to keep working on her classes. While part of that is because she wants to keep learning and stay in contact with her classmates, I think that she also wants something to do while she is in lockdown in France.

Considering the unpredictability of these times, it's probably best that she returns to be with her family before she finds herself locked down in Alaska for even longer. Hopefully, she and her family will get a chance to come here some summer once things return to some form of normalcy. Our home will certainly feel less vibrant with her gone.

My Area

4/3/2020

I've always understood that I was a bit spoiled growing up [and yes, I understand that I'm a bit spoiled now]. However, it wasn't until recently that I realized just how blessed I was to have a section of my basement all to myself. This region of my family's basement was my domain, where epic battles were fought countless times with the balance of the world, or even the galaxy, at stake.

This area was in the northeast corner of the basement with a row of waist-high metal shelves that made up its southern border. These shelves served as a clear barrier to my siblings while also providing a place to display the various ships, jets, tanks, and other vehicles of war that I had from a variety of collections. On them were displayed toys from Star Wars, G.I. Joe, Transformers, Masters of the Universe (only a few), M.A.S.K., and the short-lived Air Raiders.

The centerpiece of the area was the old train table. This allowed me to set up impressive displays without fear of stepping on, and breaking, my forces. I had some of the trees from the original diorama that worked as shrubs and cover. I know that Cobra's Terrordrome had a place of prominence on it for quite some time, as the Joes would continually mount assaults against it, rappelling up the legs of the table to get there.

This area was a land of cardboard constructions. By the time I was in high school, the bases I created included elaborate floor plans that even incorporated air ducts that my ninja warriors could use to infiltrate their enemies' defences. Paper towel tubes often served as sewer pipes or emergency escape routes.

Somehow, that creativity and imagination did not make it completely into my adult years. In the two houses I owned that had basements, I did have tables similar to the one I had in my area, but somehow they only collected boxes of various stored items (including many of the toys that had once resided in my corner of my parents' basement). I still have many of those toys; they made the trip up to Alaska with me. However, neither I nor my boys really have the space to play with them like I did in my youth.

Someday, they will make their way out again.