Blog Archives - The Land of the Weird

The Land of the Weird

Masking Up

8/17/2020

This is not a post about whether people should wear masks or not while out in public [although, we should], but about my getting used to wearing a mask through my work days. The district's new plan requires all teachers and students (third grade and above) to wear masks while at school. We were told that we could only remove our masks at lunch and on our prep periods, and then, only if we maintain social distancing (at least 6 feet is the district policy).

To get ready for this, I've been wearing my mask throughout the work day even though students are not yet present. I hate it, but I know that I will need to get used to this, and it will be better if I have practiced doing this throughout the day before the students arrive so that I'm not fidgeting with it in front of them. Furthermore, my students do not have a prep period where they can remove their masks, so I've been keeping mine on for the entire work day even when no one else is in the room so I have a better feel for what my students will go through as well. Again, I hate it.

The elastic bands which go behind my ears start to chafe by about lunch time. Meanwhile, the disposable masks that I have been using get clammy through the day, especially the more that I talk. I have to use a mask with a wire at the top as well as keep the top of the mask high up on the bridge of my nose to keep my glasses from fogging up. My face is breaking out more where the mask covers, but thankfully, the mask is covering that. Basically, I hate it.

I would like to get a variety of properly geeky masks, but I haven't found ones that sufficiently fit my tastes, come from a trustworthy source, and aren't too expensive. I'd like to have a sufficient quantity so I can rotate them out as I wash them and so they can coordinate to some degree to what I'm wearing. It looks like I will be just using the disposable ones for the time being. I hate that too.

Twentieth Sunday in Ordinary Time [post-dated for 8/16/2020]

8/17/2020

We had a busy day yesterday which made it so I did not have the time to write a post. The Gospel reading and our pastor's homily both addressed the need for persistence in prayer. In truth, persistence is often a required element in most of our endeavors. However, for prayer, the persistence is more for our own sakes that it is for "convincing" God.

Consistent prayer puts us into a holier mindset, especially if the prayers are not just grocery lists of our wants, but open dialogue with God in an attempt to better do His will. It's so easy for the many distractions of our world to divert us from the path that leads us to be the best version of ourselves. With regular communication with God, we are able to continually realign ourselves to the goal of serving Him and making our world a better place.

Prayer also allows us to better handle the trials and difficulties that cross our path. The Canaanite woman's faith in Jesus despite discouragement is what brought healing to her daughter. She stayed focused on her goal and was rewarded for her determination while also demonstrating that Jesus' healing and teachings are for all who believe.

Road Clearing

8/15/2020

My experience cutting trees was put to good use today. We received a call from our friends who were bringing back Connor from his birthday sleepover so that we could celebrate his and his friend's shared birthday. Apparently, the strong winds that whipped through the area, brought down a couple of trees across the road to our house.

As I pulled up with my tree cutting equipment in my trunk, I saw that a group had already gathered. One of our neighbors was furiously trying to get his stubborn chainsaw to start and commented that he hoped I had better luck with mine as I brought it out. I was a little concerned about how efficient mine would be as I still have not sharpened or replaced my chain after the last ten or so trees, but it did pretty well--if with some smoking by the end.

Everyone was quite helpful ... well, expect for the one impatient neighbor who drove over the top of the tree while I was cutting. I let out a "What the hell?!" as my saw bucked up, but I thankfully had a solid stance and a strong hold, so I was not injured due to his rash stupidity.

Other than that, the process went smoothly and quickly. Another neighbor came out with his chainsaw, and the two of us got the two trees down to manageable pieces that everyone was able to quickly remove from the road, allowing the rest of the waiting vehicles to leave. As we finished, one of them asked, "So, what are we going to do for entertainment tomorrow?"

Floating

8/14/2020

My feelings and thoughts are in a strange state at the moment. I'm on the edge of a few things that will require a great deal of work and effort on my part. Meanwhile, I am eagerly anticipating the arrival of my daughter and her daughter. In the midst of those mixed feelings of determination and excitement, a recent and surprising contact has not only filled my thoughts with nostalgia, but caused me to question pieces of my past that I thought I knew, but had wrong. I feel as though the world shifted slightly, and yet I am still trying to catch up with it.

It doesn't help that a number of elements concerning the beginning of the school year are still up in the air. Our system to mitigate the spread of COVID includes different plans based on infection rates which could change with little or no warning. Meanwhile, even some of the guidelines for what to do within our school seem to have changed since the beginning of this week.

I also am on the cusp of getting my research proposal sent out for another round of reviews. I have nearly finished addressing all of the concerns that have been brought up thus far, and I'm hoping that I will be able to move on to the next phase soon. I am so eager to get this research going (not to mention done).

Plus I get to finally hold my grandbaby in just a few days. She smiles nearly every time that I see her on video calls. I hope that she will not be too frightened of me in person.

To add to this whirlwind a flood of memories from the past has left me feeling a bit adrift in a mental and emotional sense. I'm not sure what to think or what to feel. In fact, I'm not even sure what I remember is real or some construct that I have built up over time as I have thought about past events.

If you are confused about this post, then I have managed to properly convey what is going on in my mind at the moment. If you are not confused, can you please explain it to me?

Golden 13th Birthday

8/13/2020

Connor officially became a teenager today (even though he's been acting like one for a while). As the date is also the 13th, this was his golden birthday. He seemed to enjoy it. He was even up before I left for work today so he could give me a hug--after which, he immediately went to his computer so he could check to see if YouTube and Google recognized his birthday and lifted their restrictions (they did--he was quite happy).

As we are celebrating it this Saturday because Janelle had to work late today, he actually asked for us not to give him any presents today. Instead, he spent most of the day coding (and watching videos about how to code) the video game that he's making. His requests were that he get to do that despite it being a video game, that we get a pepperoni pizza with half sausage for dinner, and a tiramisu cake for dessert (he wants an ice cream cake for his "party").

We also watched the movie Onward on Disney+. It was much better than I thought it would be, and the younger boys both enjoyed it quite a bit. I felt it was a good, original story done with the same great care and humor that I have come to expect from Pixar.

After that, he went back to more coding. Still, he took the time to share his speculations with me about what the next Spider-Man movie will be about. I hope we don't lose those conversations as he continues to seek, and gain, his independence.

Something's Fishy

8/12/2020

Janelle did not want me to write about this, so I'll leave out certain details, but Janelle has caught the fishing bug. She's been heading out to the river with a coworker once they get off their shifts ... not always letting me know first. A couple of weeks ago, I thought she was working overtime for a second day in a row; however, when I texted to see if that was the case, I got the reply, "Ok, so I went fishing."

She's come back soaked from standing for hours in the rain, covered in mud, and usually empty-handed. However, she also comes in with a delighted smile on her face and enthusiastic stories to tell. Today, she also came in with three salmon (two pinks and a red).

If she was beaming when she came back with just stories from her other trips, she was dazzling today. I've seen this look with other people before. I may have lost my wife to the salmon.

Chuck

8/11/2020

From 2007 to 2012, a series ran on NBC largely due to the love of its fans and the sponsorship of Subway (the sandwich franchise). It is described by its creators as an action-comedy/spy-drama that spoofed nearly every spy movie ever made with still tapping into the daydreams of most male nerds. Some of the parodies of the genre's sexism are cringeworthy, but they are taken in light-hearted ways that then reverse the common tropes (at least, when the show was at its best--which, for the record are the last half of season two and the first half of season four).

The show follows the adventures of a seemingly everyday employee of a big-box electronics store (called Buy More) who becomes entangled in a web of international secrets and spies. In this world, all agents are stunningly gorgeous or handsome, and often tend to use oversized weapons and completely inappropriate costumes to complete their missions. However, instead of being too campy, this show is full of heart--largely due to the amazing ensemble cast led by Zachary Levi as the titular Chuck.

We loved the show when it debuted and waited patiently for the weeks and months between its cliffhanger endings. We pointed out the myriad nerd and geek references throughout the episodes and were stunned by many guest appearances from stars of science fiction and spy TV shows and movies who would inevitably give some sort of call-back to one of their famous roles. And we laughed every time a plug for Subway would get incorporated into the script. All the while, we cheered on our favorite characters as they dealt with all sorts of adventures and emotions.

I found the entire series on special and bought it this summer. It has been our main dinnertime entertainment these past few months. Our younger boys had not seen it before, but they were enamored with it. Connor has put it up as one of his all time favorite TV shows.

It was an enjoyable show to watch again; one that I would be willing to see yet again in a few more years.

Uncertainty

8/10/2020

I've been mostly quiet about this upcoming school year aside from mentioning some of my worries about it in a general sense. I'm not certain if this has been me putting my head in the sand, or me trusting in the people actually responsible for situation to do their jobs. I definitely am glad that I am not in their shoes, as I really, truly do not know what the best course of action should be.

Before cases on the Kenai started going up recently, I was not as concerned about holding school face-to-face for those students and families who chose to do so. If the virus was largely either not here or contained, then I would prefer to help my students learn in the manner which is most successful for most students. However, our relative isolation was a double-edged sword; while it kept COVID largely out of our community, the lack of COVID cases here made our population more likely to not take the epidemic seriously and practice behaviors which have been linked to its spread.

Now the cases are increasing, and I am more concerned about returning to the face-to-face, but probably not for the reason(s) some people would expect. I am personally not concerned about my health in this case; sure, I have type II diabetes and high blood pressure (which have been linked to more serious cases of the disease), but Janelle's job has her in the public around unmasked and in-your-face people from both in and out of state--I've been pretty sure I was going to get it anyway.

Rather, I'm concerned about the spread to the community and my responsibility as being a part of that. Moreso, I am concerned that we will find ourselves on again and off again through this school year--a situation that, due to its inconsistency, is likely to be more detrimental to my students than establishing a clear online structure and schedule from the very start. Meanwhile, many of my friends have told me about problems they have had with filling out the online forms that the school district recently requested we turn in regarding their preferences. This makes me concerned about us having the appropriate information to make any decisions.

Still (and this is the crazy part), I'm really looking forward to teaching this year. Whatever form it takes, however things turn out, I am going to give it my best and make a difference when and where I can. After all, this isn't the first time that I've started a school year with uncertainty.

The Nineteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time

8/9/2020

I've long envied Peter's situation in today's Gospel reading. He sees Jesus walk on the water to his boat in the middle of the storm. At Peter's request, Jesus asks Peter to join Him on the water. While I do not doubt that my own belief might falter like Peter's does, Jesus gasps his hand and lifts him to safety. How can one possibly deny to the presence and power of God after an event like that? (Although, Peter most famously does deny Him, but he knows for a fact that he is doing something wrong.)

As blessed as my life has been, as many wonderful moments that God has provided for me, I still yearn for that solid assurance that what I believe is True. Perhaps I should take it as a compliment that God has not had to take such drastic measures to ensure my faith. And certainly, it wouldn't really be faith if there was not also an option to doubt. Still, to have His hand firmly grasp mine and pull me to solid footing would be an experience that would fill me with joy (and, I suppose, a bit of shame from knowing that I needed that hand).

Instead, like Elijah in the first reading, I listen for God in the whispers, in the quiet moments, and in the everyday miracles that I often take for granted. God has yet to reveal Himself to me through blinding light, trumpets from heaven, or glorious majesty. Instead, I find Him revealed in the soft breeze, the veins of a leaf, the intricacy of the heavens, or the wonders of my children. It is probably better this way--to find the craftsmanship of God in the myriad pieces of this universe He created--to be brought to Him through love and understanding rather than through fearful awe.

No Singing

8/8/2020

Starting with this evening's mass and continuing until at least the end of the month, our parish will not have music during our church services. As concern about the spread of COVID and pressure from the archdiocese has increased, our liturgy council decided to take stronger measures for the next month as a way hopefully stop the church from being closed down entirely again. Singing uses more lung power than most other types of communication and has been linked to various spikes in COVID cases worldwide. Most parishes in our archdiocese have already discontinued music in their churches. Ours had been one of the last holdouts.

I am heartbroken.

Music is very important to me. However, I have been reminding myself that I have been fortunate to be able to provide music for our church for as long as I have during this pandemic. And while mass isn't the same without music, it's still better than not having mass (let alone music) at all.

... I just put on new strings for my guitar too.

Compulsive Liar

8/7/2020

I used to warn people that I was a compulsive liar, but they often got the wrong impression. I think that part of the issue is that they did not know the difference between pathological, habitual, and compulsive lying and assumed that they were one in the same. That, and of course, how do you trust someone who says that they are a compulsive liar. My point was: you shouldn't.

This might seem like a confounding thing for me to say. After all, I am generally a rather trustworthy person. I certainly speak in what is considered an honest and upfront manner. In fact, there have been complaints that I have been too honest from time to time.

However, that does not stop my compulsion. Now, to be clear, I do not come to believe my own lies, nor do I attempt to lie in a way that harms another person. In fact, most of my lies are intended to be entirely see-through, often as a type of irony or sarcasm, as a way to emphasize the absurdity of a statement or situation. They can also be lies made to make myself look better, or perhaps to support an idea about how I think that the world should be.

This is different than pathological lying which happens when a person lies for the sake of lying and does not care what sort of harm might come from it. Thankfully, I work diligently to keep my compulsion in check and thus not become a habitual liar. However, I need to be constantly vigilant in this regard, as the temptation--I dare say even desire--to lie is often quite strong; although over the years it has become easier to control.

When I was younger, I felt that I needed to be more upfront about this compulsion, even when introducing myself to my students--which led to some interesting conversations with various principals and parents in my first several years of teaching. I have since switched to reminding students that I have biases and agendas behind my words and actions. I also warn them, that most people with biases and agendas will not give them such a warning--nor will people who lie be open about their lying.

Perhaps ironically, I consider myself a "seeker of Truth"--which is also something that I often reveal to my students. The problem is that we only see pieces of the greater Truth in the smaller truths that we discover. We also find that some of our truths, due to their incompleteness, can contradict one another even though they are pieces of a larger Truth. This is confounded even more by the lies which often surround us. Some of those lies, the most convincing ones, use truths to create their falsehoods. Interestingly, some lies actually do more to expose the actual Truth than some truths do.

I guess that I'm say, "trust everyone and no one." What is presented by people (especially myself) is a version of what they believe the Truth to be ... even if they are trying to obfuscate their truth with lies. Everyone has biases and agendas behind their actions, even if they are not completely conscious of them. We have to use our skills at decoding and critical thinking if we ever want to get to the Truth.

You can trust me on that.

Calm before the Storm

8/6/2020

I took a little while today to just sit in my living room (my favorite room in the house) and just appreciate the space. My boys were either playing games together or talking with their friends online, and I was waiting before I had to head to town for an appointment. I don't often take the time to just sit in that room and let my thoughts drift; there are so many demands on my attention and time. I even felt a bit guilty just sitting there, but I gave myself permission to do it and let the guilt flow over me.

For I can feel the gathering storm. Its ebony clouds have invaded my thoughts and my dreams. The power from it seems to crackle, raising the hair on my arms. It's not just the upcoming school year, but a variety of known events on the future that have me already bracing against the future. Who knows what surprises might be in store as well?

I know that the storm will pass and that light will return once it does. This future is one that we can work through and survive, possibly even becoming better for the experience. Still, I want to take these quiet moments when I can to appreciate the calm.

More Tree Work

8/5/2020

Today, I cut down 7 to 9 trees depending how you decide to count them. One was already knocked over, but was caught in the branches of another tree. In another case, two trees grew so close together that they merged at the base so I had to cut the two of them together. All of the trees were smaller than the trees I’ve dealt with previously, but I still had to go out in two shifts to have time to recharge both my chainsaw’s and my batteries.

I figured that this was the last real chance I had to do this. We have rain in the forecast for the rest of this week. Next week, I’m back to work, and I expect to have more than I want on my plate. Thus, we took advantage of the wonderful day today and got as much done as I could tolerate—I am a mass of aches and knots right now.

I’m still amazed that, for as much as this has changed our landscape, it also hasn’t changed that much. Certainly, our wood and brush piles have grown, but the view is still very pleasant. I am however a little concerned as a number of the live trees between us and the road are showing signs of beetle damage.

At least we are making our yard look nicer and more fire safe by removing those dead trees.

Ladder Work

8/4/2020

We hired someone to come out to check and repair an issues on our roof as well as to hang some hard to read curtain rods and install a ceiling fan in our vaulted ceiling. These are all projects that might be within my physical ability, but are beyond the mental block I have when it comes to heights. On more than one occasion, I have found myself physically paralyzed due to my fear of heights. While I have made small amounts of progress in this area through the years, these particular challenges were not ones I was willing to dare.

I definitely glad that we found someone to do them. Our roof was missing over fifty screws and had a couple of other areas that could likely be the cause of the damp wall issue we had in the upper closet. He also found places with missing or cracked seals that could cause problems as well. On top of that, he dealt with a couple of wasp nests which we had not even realized were there.

However, I'm most excited about the ceiling fan (with the curtain rods coming in a close second). These were items that were supposed to come with the house when we bought it, but mysteriously disappeared before we took possession (like a number of strange acts, we just let these slide). We might be better off, as I believe that the job done today fixed several problems that would have been there otherwise. He certainly did better work than I could have even with both of my feet firmly on the ground.

He still has to come back to finish with the roof as one of the side panels (which has a name I keep forgetting) has rotted out and needs to be replaced before he can repaint it. Still, I was quite impressed with the quality of work, the time it took, and the conversation he provided as he went (we seem to have very similar tastes in books). With those projects taken care of, we are only left with the mysterious leak from the shower and 40+ spruce-killed trees to deal with from this year's to-do list (although Janelle could perhaps note some that I've missed).