Blog Archives - The Land of the Weird

The Land of the Weird

Bursitis

12/17/2019

My shoulder felt like it had been improving, but it flared up again this weekend. Last night, I had significant trouble sleeping due to the pain I was in no matter the position. Janelle then insisted that I go to the local urgent care and get checked.

There they determined that it seemed to be an inflamed bursa that was causing the problem (which was the diagnosis the last time this happened). While they sent me in for an x-ray, the primary treatments include a 5-day course of prednisone and trying limit shoulder movement. The main concern was that its been about three weeks since the initial flare-up until this more recent one; however, it was suggested that might be because I was still using the shoulder and had taken myself off of anti-inflammatories too soon.

Hopefully I'm on the mend. The low-level pain has been making me crabby--when added to the stress due to the end of the all the work turned in at the end of the semester and my lack of progress on my dissertation, I have been significantly more waspish than normal. In truth, I just want to be able to raise my arm again.

Grief and the Holidays

12/16/2019

We've lost young lives this year, youth whose end came way before anyone could reasonably expect. As the holiday season approaches, those dealing with such loss are often dunked into a gulf of emotion all over again. Worse, everything seems to be moving on, other people don't seem to be as affected, and everyone is expressing joy and fellowship while this hole remains.

In these situations is appropriate, I dare say good, to feel sorrow and grief in the midst of joyful celebrations. A person should not feel like they have to put on a cheerful face for everyone around them, hiding their pain in the hopes that it will just go away. Rather, taking the time to confront the loss--that abyss that stands in the place of such an important person--is necessary to keeping one's sanity.

It is also appropriate, and again good, to experience joy in the shadow of such grief. It is fine to forget and immerse oneself in the present. When those times come, and the feeling of guilt at having "forgotten" one's loved one begins to grow, it is best to note that those who have moved on to the next life are not making any claims on us. If anything, they want their loved ones to be comforted by the memories of the times they had together.

In times like this, we need to reach out to one another and relish the time that we have with those around us. This is the time to recognize that there are people missing in our lives, to acknowledge them, to celebrate the time we had with them, and to lean on those who remember them with us. It will not, and should not, take away the pain, but it will help keep them as a part of our holidays.

Gaudete Sunday (The Third Sunday of Advent)

12/15/2019

Rejoice! While the season of Advent (like Lent) is a time for preparation and repentance, the third Sunday is set aside to rekindle the joy in our hearts for the coming of Christ. Today's homily focused a great deal of joy and the types of joy in our lives.

There were four levels of joy that our pastor outlined for us. The first is immediate gratification, such as eating a pleasurable food or laughing at a funny joke. This level is temporary and, while enjoyable, often fades from memory within a short period of time. The second level is short-term joy, like from finishing a difficult project. This level requires a greater deal of effort and thus usually has a longer lasting feeling of joy associated with it. However, both of these levels are considered transitory. They are important, but they should not be the full focus of our lives.

The third level is long-term joy. This is from a feeling of satisfaction for doing well in a profession or in raising a family. This type of joy is ongoing, but really comes to fruition near the end of our earthly lives. The final level is eternal joy, attained after our time on Earth has passed. While we do not truly experience this in this existence, we do feel portions of it as we live our lives in ways that bring us closer to God.

On learning about these levels of joy, I immediately thought back to my post from a couple of days ago about things that make my heart lift. All of the items I listed fell into the first two levels. I am still glad for all that I mentioned, but I wonder if I am setting my expectations and goals high enough. I am certainly a creature of the modern world, easily dazzled by the delights that it presents. I feel that I am building towards the third and fourth tiers of joy, but that I could also be more mindful of them as well.

I will not, however, allow myself to worry about joy; that would be counterproductive. Rather, I will accept the joys that God has put into my life while still working towards the greater joys that will come with time.

Star Wars Tickets [possible spoilers]

12/14/2019

I spent most of the day either grading or driving people from one place to another. However, at one point, while bringing Connor back from his LEGO robotics competition in Kenai, I stopped by the Orca Theater and got tickets for the Thursday night showing of Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker. As the show will be too late for Rowen (or Janelle, for that matter), I only bought tickets for myself, Connor, Trevor, and Zaiyd (Trevor's girlfriend, who has given me permission to include her in my posts).

The 6pm show was already sold out. The only available tickets were for the 9:15pm 3D showing. We have generally been avoiding 3D movies that weren't originally shot with 3D cameras, but I'm willing to make the sacrifice in this case. There might have been more tickets available at the Kenai theater, but I've come to really enjoy the Orca--especially with the new seats.

If you are uninterested in speculation about the upcoming film, you should probably stop reading now. There are a few predictions that I would like to make about the film prior to knowing anything about it other than the trailers that have been shown so far. I might be way off base in my thoughts, but for me, guessing what might happen is a big part of the joy in anticipation.

Have the uninterested stopped reading?

...

Okay. First, this movie is supposed to bring "an end to the Skywalker saga." Considering that the eight previously numbered movies are now being called the "Skywalker saga," that Anakin and Luke are now Force ghosts, and that Leia will likely join them, this puts more weight to the theory that Rey is somehow a Skywalker (especially since Kylo even shed the Solo portion of his family). The most interesting theory I have seen on this matter is that Rey is a type of clone (clones are mention a LOT in the series) made from Luke's hand that he lost in The Empire Strikes Back. It is also possible that she is somehow a clone from Anakin--explaining her affinity for mechanics. Either would explain her reaction in The Force Awakens to first touching Anakin's lightsaber which was last seen in Luke's lost hand. The clone theory also fits with The Last Jedi's revelation that her parents were "nobodies."

Second, the Emperor is somehow back in this one. In The Revenge of the Sith, Palpatine insinuates that he has discovered the means to live forever. It's probably not as pretty as what Qui Gon figured out for the light side (I hope we have a return of a shimmery Liam Neeson), but will be more along the lines of what he did to Anakin in turning him into Vader. However, there are theories that Palpatine has been the creator of the Skywalkers from the start, somehow manipulating the Force to give Shmi that virgin birth discussed (but then forgotten) in The Phantom Menace (this would me that the title The Rise of the Skywalker will refer to the revelation of this idea). Considering that title of Episode I, "phantoms" might play a big role in tying the nine films together.

Third, R2 and 3PO have been the only two constants throughout the Episodes, making an appearance in every one. Considering that 3PO was built by young Anakin and was still serving him until he became a Sith, there's a good chance that he holds some hidden programming that leaves some of the old Anakin within him. This might explain the red eyes he showed in the first teaser trailer. One way or the other, I'm guessing that this movie brings an end to the story of these droids.

Fourth, I believe that Rey redeems Kylo by the end. However, I also think that both of them end up sacrificing themselves for the sake of the galaxy (perhaps to keep the Emperor's consciousness from somehow possessing them). I can think of no other way that this would be the "end of the Skywalker saga." I am personally hoping that there is not a romantic connection between the two.

I look forward to seeing whether any of my predictions are true or not. I'm glad I already have my tickets.

Things That Make My Heart Lift

12/13/2019

I recently exposed my students to portions of Sei Shonagon's Pillow Book. It reads very much like a modern day blog (like this one), with intimate elements that are still somehow intended for public viewing, yet it was written about 1,000 years ago in Heian Japan. In it, she tells stories about life in the court, her observances of nature, and her opinion on just about everything. One thing that she liked to do is write lists (e.g. Things That I Hate, Things That Make My Heart Beat Faster, etc.). I thought that I might mimic that idea with a list of my own: Things That Make My Heart Lift.

The first snowflake which indicates the change from rain to snow as I am driving on a dark, wet night. The reflected colors on the wall of a string of Christmas lights. A baby's giggle and sigh of contentment which clearly involves the whole spine and body. The sound of a pounding rain on our metal roof as I sit back in a chair with my feet propped, a book in hand, and a soothing drink nearby.

The feeling of a releasing weight as a major task is completed and there is still time left to work on something pleasurable. The sincere compliment of a person who enjoys hearing me sing. The anticipation of meeting a friend whom I have not been near for a while. Also, the feeling of relief when an awkward encounter has come to an end.

Immersing myself in the story of a novel, movie, or game that fully pulls me into its world and temporarily lets me see life through someone else's perspective. The smell of freshly baked bread as I slather it in butter. Watching my children play together without conflict among them.

Writing a list of things that bring me contentment.

Table Leaf

12/12/2019

Over a decade ago, I found the perfect table for my family at the time. Even though it did not come with any chairs, it was the first one we owned that was made of solid wood. Although its primary configuration only seated four people, it had a leaf that could be added to comfortably accommodate six--eight if they were on better than speaking terms. It worked quite well for us for many years. However, it has been clear to us in recent years that our expanding family would need a bigger table.

This summer, when looking for a reading chair for our bedroom, we came across a dining set that caught our attention. The table is nice looking with a solid construction, and it came with some of the most comfortable dining room chairs that I have had the pleasure to sit in. More importantly, its base design fits six people comfortably, while there are two leaves that can be added to further extend either side, bringing the comfortable seating to ten with both of them in (14, if people like eating at the corners).

Today, I picked up Trevor from the airport. Just adding him was enough to justify a new table arrangement; however, we also had his girlfriend (yes ... girlfriend) over to dinner today. Thus, I finally had the opportunity to pull out one of the leaves from the closet (no in-table storage, unfortunately) and put it in.

The overall effect is quite nice and did not make the dining room as crowded as I thought it would be. There was some grumbling about seating rearrangements so Chloe could continue to sit in "her spot" and Trevor could sit next to his girlfriend (yes ... girlfriend), but it worked out quite well in the end. It was a pleasant meal, yet I think that it was made even better for me as I had enough of my family back to justify putting in a table leaf.

Getting Excited

12/11/2019

There are a lot of fun things coming in these next eight days. The most important is that Trevor is coming home tomorrow. He's flying from Fairbanks to Kenai where I am picking him up soon after I get the boys from school. I've missed having him around and am eager to hear about his first semester in college (phone conversations just aren't accomplishing that).

A couple of movies are coming out that I would like to see in the theater. Tomorrow, it's Jumanji: The Next Level which looks like it will be an entertaining sequel to the surprise hit (for me) Welcome to the Jungle. However, next week really brings on the geek in me as the final movie in the Skywalker Saga of the Star Wars movies makes it to theaters. I have every intention of watching that on opening night--and then at least one other time in the theater after my Star Wars movie marathon ... which is also just over a week away!

Next week is also the end of the fall semester. I just trashed a more self-indulgent post about what I still need to get done before then, but despite still having a great deal of work cut out for me, this is certainly something that brings me a great deal of excitement. I hope that I will be able to use winter break to recalibrate, catch my breath, and find more solid footing.

One thing that would really top my rising excitement is if I start to see more snow in the forecast.

Reputation

12/10/2019

I sometimes forget that, despite 22 years of teaching experience, I am only a third year teacher at my current school. It takes a while for a person's reputation to start to match their actual skill and ability, and mine is clearly still in a flexible stage. In the past couple of years, I have had to deal with a number of misunderstandings about me and the classes that I teach.

I was reminded recently that misconceptions and misinformation had plagued my reputation with a number of my colleagues back when I moved to Lincoln. It wasn't until my fifth or even sixth year that some of those misconceptions were clarified, and I was able to make some connections with people who had been standoffish before. I have a vivid memory of one person in particular who took me aside during a professional development session and apologized for having misread and undervalued me for the several years previous.

It doesn't help, I suppose, that I don't fit the standard molds (there is a reason I named my website The Land of the Weird ... actually, there are multiple reasons, but that is also weird). It also doesn't help that I tend to find humor in nearly everything and have expressed this mirth at unexpected (and perhaps not-fully-appropriate) times. It certainly doesn't help that I seem so self-confident (I feel that's a nicer word than arrogant).

The problem is that I have been teaching for 22 years and that for nine of those years I was also teaching between one to three college courses in the evenings and/or on the weekends (for six of those years I was working 20 hours a week physically at the college considering my time working at the writing lab), thus I have less patience waiting for the misimpressions about me and my work to clear. I know that it will probably be another couple of years, but it's a frustrating wait.

For now I have to deal with false rumors of malcontent teenagers that will slowly be replaced by more trustworthy sources of information. This will take a bit more time as the classes that I teach have changed so much from year to year as well. As I have had to redevelop solid foundations for the classes that I teach every year, I have not been able to fine-tune to the degree that I would like (No doubt this has given me a reputation for being a bit more scattered as well).

I know that my reputation will align better in the years to come. For now, I will just continue to do the best that I can.

Rain Delay

12/9/2019

Soldotna broke its record high for today by two degrees at a balmy 46 degrees Fahrenheit. However, the weather phenomena that truly startled me was the torrential deluge that pelted my car on the way to picking up the boys. Had that rain been snow, we would have seen another foot of snow. Instead, everything is covered in water, and the temperatures are dropping, having hit freezing just a little bit ago.

Our school district has already called for a two-hour delay tomorrow morning as our roads are likely to act like freshly zambonied ice. The two hour delay also creates another interesting dilemma as Janelle and I both need to be to work before the boys can be dropped off at school. There is a good chance that our normal contingency will not work due to the road conditions. Meanwhile, as much as I love Mera, she may have difficulties getting up the hill that leads to the highway. We will have to see what the weather (and roads) actually present in the morning.

Personally, even though shovelling comes with it, I would have preferred the snow.

The Second Sunday of Advent

12/8/2019

Today's message from the readings and the homily was of hope. The Advent season is a time of preparation, a preparation for a joyful future. Christmas is a type of double celebration, both celebrating that Christ chose to come among us and live as a human and celebrating the future Second Coming of Christ where Jesus brings us into His Eternal Realm.

We are given a picture of that future paradise in the first reading from Isaiah. In it, the dangers of our world have been transformed. Worry and fear have become things of the past.

These concepts are alien to us as we live in a world that continually plays on our fears and our worries. The hopes of this world are all temporary: hope for a next meal, a good night's sleep, more wealth, etc. These hopes do not provide a lasting sustenance and thus often lead us feeling hungry for something more.

That something more is the hope that God gives us. Hope in God is never unfounded. He is always there, and having been human, He personally understands the struggles we go through. Thus He knows what we need, what we truly need, and provides that for us.

Treasure Planet

12/7/2019

Rowen and I found ourselves alone together for lunch, so I decided to show him one of my favorite movies that was otherwise not well-received: Treasure Planet. This was the Disney animation flop sometime around the turn of the millenium which few people know anything about. However, I found this futuristic retelling of Treasure Island compelling.

It's setting, with a mashup of 18th century sailing ships and futuristic space travel, does not hold much in the way of believability, but certainly captured my imagination. I've always been a fan of "airships," and this movie certainly provides an interesting take on the idea. I also liked how the technology was a mixture of science fiction and the mundane.

In the end, it's the characters that draw me in. I immediately adore the protagonist's mother and wish that should could have been a larger part of the story. Every character seems to have a deeper story beneath what we get to see in the film. The greatest element, by far, is the developing relationship between young Jim and the cyborg, John Silver. This film really emphasizes the importance of having an interested role-model in a young person's life.

There are plenty of reasons why it isn't a great movie by most people's standards, but it's one that I can watch again and again. That's the most important standard in my judgement.

Newsfeed Content

12/6/2019

Someone recently told me that one of the reasons that they won't get on Facebook or other social media sites is because, despite the claim that it helps people stay in contact, recent studies have shown that 80-90% of a person's feed is filled with unoriginal posts that have been shared from often unknown creators. Of those posts, over half of them do not even include a comment from the person who is sharing them. I do not know the veracity of these statistics, but as I scroll through my newsfeed, they seem pretty accurate.

As much as we think of social media as ... well ... social, it seems as though most of it involves us being mules of information that promotes someone else's agenda. I found that idea rather disturbing. When I then take into account that most information funnelled to one's newsfeed is picked by a computer to match one's own conceptions (and misconceptions), a rather scary picture emerges: one where we have access to all (or most) of the knowledge of humanity, but only access a small section that does not allow our minds or beliefs to grow. Meanwhile, our brains provide chemical rewards as we watch people leave emoticons on what we have passed on, creating a spiralling addiction which leads to being even more deeply entrenched in the propaganda being thrown at us.

I still believe that there is value in these social media sites and the Internet in general, but I need to be wary and observant as I trek through them. Meanwhile, I will attempt to be more cautious about sharing content which comes from outside sources ... no matter how adorable those kittens might be.

Renewed Conviction

12/5/2019

As most of you know, my dissertation was at a near standstill for over a year as I worked on getting my prospectus approved. It was a process of making small changes, submitting the new draft, and then waiting for weeks for suggestions from either my committee or the university system--over and over and over, etc. again. As I was asked to completely abandon my methodology and thus find a different topic and theoretical framework about halfway through, the positive gains that I had been making slowed substantially as I was afraid of putting in a great deal of effort only to have it tossed aside ... again.

Anyway, with the hesitant, but still official, approval of my prospectus last month, I am now working on the larger proposal for my research, specifically on Chapter 2. Chapter 2 is the literature review in which I need to analyze at least 50-70 peer reviewed journal articles and studies on the topic that I want to research and then synthesize that information into a coherent explanation for why my research study is needed. However, I have lost a great deal of the drive that fueled me through my doctoral level courses and even the first few months of my prospectus.

I've been finding it all too easy to only look at an article or two, make some half-hearted entries into my organizational spreadsheet, and maybe write a paragraph or two ... in a week ... and a productive week, at that. Worse, I often go for days without looking at anything to do with my dissertation at all.

I have plenty of excuses (and good ones, even), but this process has already been MUCH more expensive than I anticipated, and the finish line is looking like it's a year or more out there even if I do get my act together (due to the review process for each stage being similar to the one for the prospectus). I have to rededicate myself to this task and GET IT DONE for both my family's financial security and my personal sanity.

I'm putting this out there as a public appeal to please keep up the prayers and encouragement for me and my research.

I've got Dinobots waiting, after all.

Couple Struggles

12/4/2019

I was told today that a disturbingly large number of young married couples in our area are going through difficult times to the point that the future of their relationships are in doubt. I wish that I had the opportunity to tell them that it is okay to go through rough patches; in fact, not having any rough patches is an indication that there might be larger, unspoken problems festering deep within. Please do not misunderstand me, as much as I oppose the concept (let alone the reality) of divorce, there are situations (often abusive, or even life-threatening scenarios) where the best of the terrible options is for the relationship to end.

However, life--and especially life with a partner--is not about one good time after another. There are times when anger, sadness, and other "negative" emotions are completely appropriate to have in a relationship. It is important to take these negative experiences with the positive. Not only will difficult times make better times seem wonderful by comparison, but the process of sharing a common trauma is one of the strongest ways that humans cond with one another.

I am far from a perfect husband (far ... far from), but I feel that my relationship with Janelle has only grown into something greater over time. We've had moments (and longer than moments) of triumph and despair, but our willingness to work with one another, as well as our willingness to seek guidance from others, has led us to a more secure relationship. We are each other's partner for and through life.

I certainly don't have it all figured out. Often I don't communicate often enough just how much Janelle means to me. Sometimes, I feel isolated and unappreciated as well. However, I feel that we still make a great team, one that can overcome the obstacles thrown in our path together. I pray that other couples can reach similar realizations about their relationships.