When I have finished with the rosary, I try to spend some time with personal requests and observations and comments to God. I say "try" because I often find myself drifting into other thoughts (although, considering that I'm driving, it's a good thing that I'm not drifting into other lanes). Even when I manage to keep myself on track, I find myself repeating the same things that I tend to say every day: "Thank you for giving me a good day. Thank you for my family, my loving wife, my wonderful children. Thank you for my job, my family, and my friends. Please help those who are ill or injured, those who feel hopeless or alone. Please comfort them and help them to see your glory. Please watch over my family, keep them safe from harm, and help them to become the best possible versions of themselves."
Every once and a while, I can get a real conversation going (albeit one sided). Sometimes, I almost feel that I can hear His response to my questions and concerns. But too often, my prayers are rushed, distracted, and repetitive. Worse: I feel as though I am simply talking to myself. I have felt moments of Grace, but I occasionally wonder if I'm just fooling myself. "Act as though you have faith, and faith will be granted to you" is a statement that gives me comfort when I have those thoughts. I continue this tradition because I hope that it will help me in my faith. Still, it's been over five years, and I generally only say the rosary on my trips home from work, not at home or with my family. It's been over five years, and I am still having difficulties praying when "off script." It's been over five years, and I still feel like I'm "acting."