Marriage is hard, and people are generally lazy. When dating, we do all sorts of crazy things to show our love or appreciation for the other person, but that level of effort is not really sustainable once the relationship goes on for months, then years, then decades. However, that often leads the people on both sides of the relationship to feel like they are being taken for granted (which they are) and that the other person no longer appreciates them (which is usually not true).
That our bodies change over time leads to our constant concern that the other person might no longer find us attractive. This sense of inadequacy is then exacerbated by the aforementioned lack of attention. Especially when we no longer recognize ourselves in the mirror--or when we start to think of ourselves as unattractive--we desire continual affirmation from our partner. This wears thin really quickly, especially since we often make statements of doubt or self-deprecation on those times when they give us the assurances that we crave.
Things are further complicated when children are brought into the picture. Now there is a continual obstacle to sleep and physical intimacy. Meanwhile, some strange part of our minds believes that love cannot be divided infinitely and start to feel even more neglected and sometimes even jealous.
What is necessary, then, is open and positive communication. Time needs to be set aside--even scheduled--to spend time with one another and to do some of the things that were done when courting. Most importantly, we need to allow ourselves to be loved and to share any love that we receive.
This is not easy, and I am not particularly good at it. However, as Janelle and I approach our 24th anniversary, I can think of no one else with whom I would rather spend my life.
... or who would put up with me.