Why is staying in shape so hard?  I injured my back at the beginning of October and didn't really get back into a regular exercise routine until two weeks ago.  Needless to say, my weight and waist gained while my practices slipped.  Now, I find myself struggling past excuses not to exercise and fighting with my desire to have just one more snack.

Why do foods that I like the most happen to be the ones that are the worst for me?  What sort of system is that?  Shouldn't my body most crave the sustenance that is most needed?  Wouldn't it make more sense if our bodies registered vegetables as candy?  Instead I find myself feeling guilty for nearly every food that I enjoy.  I don't want to live a Spartan existence where the only thing on the menu was a dark protein-rich and tasteless gruel.

That said, I want get back down to the pant size that I had a few months ago.  I want to give an impressive figure at my daughter's upcoming wedding.  Most importantly, I want to be able to take off my shirt when I go swimming without embarrassment (to myself or those around me).

I suppose all dreams require some sacrifice.

I received an email today that got my heart racing.  It was a receipt that said I had recently purchased a game app for $49.99.  I immediately wondered what my boys had done.  We have warned them time and again about clicking on ads when they use our phones or iPad.  I wondered, but only briefly, about how they managed to make such a purchase without my pin; however, there is little that I would put past them.

I noticed that the email had a link that allowed my to cancel the purchase, and I would be lying if I didn't admit that I thought for a moment about pressing it.  Thankfully, warning klaxons were blaring in my head.  I took a moment to push past my initial panic and examine the email more carefully.  It didn't take long to find all of the tells of a "phishing" scam.

The first was the link itself.  If this were an actual Apple receipt, they would tell me to log into my account separately and to contact them that way.  The second was an English error "please visit a Cancel."  The third was a sense of urgency: in a paragraph I had skipped over, the email claimed that "Your purchase will automatically renew unless you turn it off no later than 24 hours."  And the real humdinger was the convoluted email address that was hidden on the name "Apple Store."

When I showed it to a coworker, she was also taken in by how real the "receipt" looked at first glance.  No doubt the link would have had me enter my username and passcode which the originator of this phishing scam would then use to access my Apple Store accounts and perhaps make purchases, or just learn more about my identity to create false accounts in my name.

I'm irritated that this made it past my spam folders, but more irritated that I was temporarily suckered by it.  

This sort of thing gives me trust issues.

I like the things I have.  I love my family.  I don't want to lose them.  Letting go of the people and things that we love is one of the hardest parts of living.  Yet we are warned that losing them is very much a part of our existence.  This is one aspect of reality that I have trouble dealing with.

This is even more difficult for me when contemplating the loss of a child.  I do not know if my children fully understand how dear they are to me.  I cannot fully understand what it is like for those who have lost a child, even one that has reached adulthood.  I feel selfish for not wanting to ever experience that loss.  Why should I be special in that regard?

In today's readings Abraham was ready to sacrifice his son.  In the Gospel, God tells the three apostles that Jesus is His beloved son knowing full well that Jesus will be sacrificed.  I would not be willing to make those same sacrifices.  I simply do not think I would be strong enough to face that loss.

We woke up with another four inches of snow on the ground which topped the three-plus inches that we got earlier in the week.  Even with the extra inch, the snow was light enough this time that, instead of taking us two hours, we were able to finish in about 45 minutes.  On an odd note, when I made my regular lament about not having an ATV with a plow on the front, one of my friends offered me his as he feels that shovelling is the only real exercise that he gets in the winter.  It's a tempting thought ...

Our road which was still unplowed from the snowfall earlier in the week has become more of a challenge, especially when trying to get up the hill that leads out.  That said, I have to admit to a perverse pleasure in driving on roads with snow that would have shut down schools in Michigan.  Driving on snow has always been more fun than scary for me.

Considering that the parking lots were also unplowed, I decided to give Trevor some snow driving experience.  Like his sisters before him, Trevor was given the opportunity to get up to speed and then brake, turn, accelerate, slide, skid, and test out how snow can affect one's control while driving.  He actually seemed to enjoy getting to play around like that, which was a bit surprising considering his usual disdain for driving.

Considering the snow we've received this past week, I am starting again to wish that I had cross-country skis.  If we continue to have winters like this one, rather than the previous couple, it might be worth the investment.  

I've found that my taste in movies does not always match that of most of the public.  Thankfully, Janelle and my children seem to generally enjoy the same sort of action films, even if the rest of the public tends to disagree.  For example, the boys and I just watched (rewatched in my case) and enjoyed the Tom Cruz and Cameron Diaz movie "Knight and Day."  It's a fun action movie with over-the-top completely unbelievable moments and equally unbelievable romantic elements that make me laugh and keep me entertained throughout.  

The "Mission: Impossible" series is another example.  For many people, the second movie is considered to be the worst in the series.  However, for me, it is --by far--my favorite of the films.  It is, in my mind, a John Woo masterpiece with several of my all-time favorite movie moments (the heroine injecting herself with the virus and the twist with the masks).  In comparison, the other films are largely indistinguishable from Bond or Bourne films.

Other examples of this include "Red," "Red 2," "Mr. & Mrs. Smith," "Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever," and "Freejack."  Each of these underrated movies had entertaining action pieces with goofy moments and some aspect of lighthearted romance.  I'm certain that there are others, but these were the ones that came to mind.  I can watch them over and over again even while knowing that most people don't think they are that good (although "Red" is usually pretty well liked).  

I think this might be why the current Marvel movies have been so entertaining for me.  While I also enjoy deeper movie experiences, there is something about a popcorn flick that just makes me happy.

My next two classes for Walden begin on Sunday.  Already, one of my professors has emailed us about one of our first assignments, and it already has my stomach in knots.  It's the first true step in writing my dissertation: the Doctoral Committee Assignment form (the DCAF).  Basically, it's a summary of what I want to spend the next couple of years researching.

The problem is that I'm really not sure about the specific path that I want to take.  I went into this degree wanting to find out more about gamification (using video game elements in non-video game settings).  The difficulty is in finding something specific enough that no one else has researched it (and that I can finish the research) but not so specific that it does not really provide information that I care about.

Another issue is that, as doctoral candidate in educational technology, my research needs to focus on the technological aspect.  One of my issues is that I haven't found technology involved in gamification that really focuses on high school students AND that has not already been studied.  During my residency, I focused on the use of digital badges, and that might still be the way that I go, but I'm not really passionate about them.

However, time is ticking.  It's quite nerve-wracking to know that an assignment due in only a couple of weeks will have a profound impact on the direction of my studies (and my life) for the next couple years.  No pressure.  

Okay, first Fitbit, and now Moviepass.  I'm worried that I'm turning into some sort of commercial.  Now, I haven't subscribed to Moviepass yet, but it is extremely tempting, if only to do so for the month of May.  

You see, the movie industry really has my number this summer.  We just saw "Black Panther."  March has the "Tomb Raider" reboot, "Pacific Rim: Uprising," "Paul, Apostle," and "Ready Player One."  April is mostly a miss (I'm not not that interested in "Rampage" and I don't think the reboot of "Overboard" will make it to our area).  However, May ... well, May has "Avengers: Infinity War," the new "Deadpool," and "Solo"--all "must-sees."  Even June has "Ocean's Eight," "The Incredibles 2," and the sequel to "Jurassic World."  And I can't forget July's "Ant-Man" sequel and the new "Mission Impossible" movie. 

Moviepass is a subscription service where I would pay a set amount (currently on a $7.95 promotion) per month (per person) and watch as many movies (in 2D) as I can get into during the months that my subscription is active.  There are no blackout dates.  It operates like a credit card.  I was told about this by one of my coworkers while we were geeking out about the number of upcoming movies that are right up our alley.  The service works at both of our local theaters, the theaters in Anchorage, and (I just checked) the theaters in Jackson.

Considering the evening shows are almost $11 per ticket, this seems like a great idea.

I don't plan on making this a regular post.  Besides, even if I did, my regular posts seem to fizzle out over time anyway (DM notes?  Story Ideas?).  However, whether it is just due to the novelty of it or not, I have found the Fitbit actually have some impact on my daily life.

While the step and stair counters are nice, it's the pulse and sleep monitors that have me riveted.  I'm continually checking my beats per minute throughout the day, and I'm eager each morning to see my sleep pattern--which makes nights when it has trouble registering a real letdown.  In particular, I've found it interesting to see where my highs and lows come in.  Apparently, lunch really gets my ticker going.

I'm hoping that the real game-changer will be the calorie counter on the app.  It has a barcode scanner with a surprisingly robust database.  I've been keeping my calorie estimates on non-scannable items high to counter what I believe is an over-zealous counter for calories burned.  I will say that I am more hesitant about grabbing a snack item when I know that I have to log it in.

So far, my weight and waist remain the same--which might be an improvement considering the momentum I had going.  I am optimistic about the future.  At least for now, this gave me the push I needed to start better trends.

The first two readings deal with Noah and his ark.  The story is one about faith and devotion, but more than that, it is a story about hard work.  As our priest pointed out in today's homily, building the ark was not Noah's most difficult task.  Rather, it was spending 40 days and nights tending to animals while on a large boat in rough seas.  This meant tending their injuries, illnesses, and other needs while also dealing with their manure and other waste.  The smell must have been beyond imagining.  I can picture my own problems with seasickness, and I wonder if I could have survived such an experience.

Sometimes our faith requires us to dig into the muck and deal with some fairly nasty parts of life.  God does not promise that our lives will be easy, but rather that the work will be worth it in the end.  That is the true measure of our faith.  I ponder this at times when I feel that I am nearing the end of my endurance or patience.  Sometimes I am even distrustful when things seem to come too easily.  

Noah was rewarded with the vision of a rainbow, a promise that none of his descendants would ever have to go through what he went through.  God makes us a similar promise: that the troubled times in our lives lead to something better, that the world will become a better place.  However, it will take work to get it there.

I expected my students to have questions about the Florida shooting on Thursday.  Yet, aside from a couple of random comments, that particular topic went largely unexplored.  Thus, I was taken a bit off guard when students broached the topic with me at the very end of the day.

I tried to field their questions with a bit of humor and some questions of my own to get them thinking.  I stressed the fact that many people are playing "armchair quarterback" as a way to place blame and make sense out of this destructive act.  After any tragedy, people piece together what had happened as a way to figure out how to avoid such events in the future.  With hindsight, it is easy to look at the event and criticize the actions of the people who had pieces of a puzzle that we only now see clearly.

I also said that people will use this event as an opportunity to promote a political agenda, claiming that having done so earlier would have avoided it.  There will be some truth to the various sides of the argument.  However, they avoid talking about the one truth behind all violent acts: we are all capable of them, and our society is still working on ways to better channel the violent tendencies that all of us have.

This is not new to history.  In fact, despite all of the press and commentary on social media, the past two decades have been the most peaceful (by nearly any measure of violence) in the history of the United States and even the world.  Acts such as this one stand out so much more partially due to advances in communication, but also because they stand in such a sharp contrast to the norm we have come to expect.

This event was a tragedy, and we will hopefully learn from it as we have learned from the events that preceded it.  In doing so, I hope that we will continue to make our nation and our world a better place.

Sunday was my last day of the winter term at Walden University.  I have a couple of weeks before the next two classes start up.  They are companion classes, and need to be taken concurrently.  They also have five textbooks between the two of them.  I have to admit that I'm feeling a little apprehensive about this upcoming semester.  I'm still scrambling a bit to stay ahead of my obligations as a teacher.  Every time I feel like I'm getting ahead, something else seems to come up.

The good news is that I earned an A in my last class--as I have managed to do for all of my classes so far.  My final project not only received the full points, but my instructor commented that it looked professional enough that it would not have been out of place at a tech conference.  I should be able to keep this momentum through the rest of my degree; I am just a bit concerned about my sanity.

For now, though, I can relax a bit.  Perhaps we can get our taxes done.  Maybe we can even watch the Black Panther (not to be confused with the Pink Panther) this weekend.