I couldn't fall to sleep last night. I had one of those thoughts that refused to allow me to enter the peaceful bliss of my dreams.
I was concerned about the weather, more specifically: my drive to work. For some reason, I had it in my mind that I would be involved something like one of the horrific accidents that I have seen on my past few drives to school (one was a multiple fatality). Instead of wondering what my family would do in my absence (which is where my mind usually wanders), in this scenario I "woke up" on my airplane ride to Fairbanks on the way to my first year of college.
As this was a cross between a dream and a thought-experiment, I wondered how I would go about my life this second time around, especially since I now had all of my memories from my "first attempt." My largest concern was for my children. Simply knowing about my past experience would make it impossible to duplicate precisely the situations that would bring about my children (at least with the characteristics that I know and love).
This set my mind thinking about the multiple experiences and choices that I have made over the past 22+ years. Some of them would not need to be repeated (I know which video games and books are worth reading). Some of them would change my life significantly (this version of myself decided to pursue computer programming--there really isn't any benefit to taking another liberal arts degree if I already have the knowledge from the first one). I could make changes that might significantly improve my life (investing in Yahoo early, and cashing out before the dot.com bust) and maybe even change the world (such as trying to warn officials, without making it sound like a threat, about the 9/11 attacks).
In my mind, the first person I seek out is Janelle. Knowing that she will think I'm crazy, I try to convince her of the truth of my situation. I believe that facts from her past (including some secrets) as well as some tiny pieces of knowledge that I had about the future (though late 1992 was rather bland despite the presidential election, there was also the Branch Davidians in Waco in early 1993) would convince her that I was telling the truth. Knowing Janelle, I believe that she would even want to stay by my side through whatever craziness this would entail (including her getting pregnant in the second half of her freshman year of college).
The second person I would entrust is Fr. Jim, although I admittedly would not have the same level of info to convince him of the veracity of my situation. I would want Janelle and I to marry earlier to avoid some of the housing problems she had that coming summer and fall, and I would need Fr. Jim's help to both make that possible, not to mention needing a person whose advice I have always trusted help me with this situation.
I would entrust my parents, but not my siblings (who would only be high school age or younger at the time) with knowledge about my situation at the first winter break (giving my father investment tips). I wouldn't trust trying to explain this over a phone call, and the Internet was not yet to Fairbanks (it would get there in early 1993). Meanwhile, I would work with what I know now to excel at my classes and try to network with people before they become famous and/or wealthy.
I spent hours trying to get my mind off this activity last night and I will not bother you with the minutia. Needless to say, I wanted to find some way to improve my current life as well as the lives of my family and friends (i.e. Could I warn some people about their upcoming cancer when it could make a difference? Could anonymous donations from my new wealth give people the proper encouragement without turning them into assholes?). I also wanted make some efforts to improve our overall world (although how to do so without ending up under government surveillance was an issue).
In the end, I found that a lot of my efforts were focused on trying to recreate my family as it currently is. Losing my children to the ether of non-existence was a terrifying prospect. I hope I can sleep better tonight.
I was concerned about the weather, more specifically: my drive to work. For some reason, I had it in my mind that I would be involved something like one of the horrific accidents that I have seen on my past few drives to school (one was a multiple fatality). Instead of wondering what my family would do in my absence (which is where my mind usually wanders), in this scenario I "woke up" on my airplane ride to Fairbanks on the way to my first year of college.
As this was a cross between a dream and a thought-experiment, I wondered how I would go about my life this second time around, especially since I now had all of my memories from my "first attempt." My largest concern was for my children. Simply knowing about my past experience would make it impossible to duplicate precisely the situations that would bring about my children (at least with the characteristics that I know and love).
This set my mind thinking about the multiple experiences and choices that I have made over the past 22+ years. Some of them would not need to be repeated (I know which video games and books are worth reading). Some of them would change my life significantly (this version of myself decided to pursue computer programming--there really isn't any benefit to taking another liberal arts degree if I already have the knowledge from the first one). I could make changes that might significantly improve my life (investing in Yahoo early, and cashing out before the dot.com bust) and maybe even change the world (such as trying to warn officials, without making it sound like a threat, about the 9/11 attacks).
In my mind, the first person I seek out is Janelle. Knowing that she will think I'm crazy, I try to convince her of the truth of my situation. I believe that facts from her past (including some secrets) as well as some tiny pieces of knowledge that I had about the future (though late 1992 was rather bland despite the presidential election, there was also the Branch Davidians in Waco in early 1993) would convince her that I was telling the truth. Knowing Janelle, I believe that she would even want to stay by my side through whatever craziness this would entail (including her getting pregnant in the second half of her freshman year of college).
The second person I would entrust is Fr. Jim, although I admittedly would not have the same level of info to convince him of the veracity of my situation. I would want Janelle and I to marry earlier to avoid some of the housing problems she had that coming summer and fall, and I would need Fr. Jim's help to both make that possible, not to mention needing a person whose advice I have always trusted help me with this situation.
I would entrust my parents, but not my siblings (who would only be high school age or younger at the time) with knowledge about my situation at the first winter break (giving my father investment tips). I wouldn't trust trying to explain this over a phone call, and the Internet was not yet to Fairbanks (it would get there in early 1993). Meanwhile, I would work with what I know now to excel at my classes and try to network with people before they become famous and/or wealthy.
I spent hours trying to get my mind off this activity last night and I will not bother you with the minutia. Needless to say, I wanted to find some way to improve my current life as well as the lives of my family and friends (i.e. Could I warn some people about their upcoming cancer when it could make a difference? Could anonymous donations from my new wealth give people the proper encouragement without turning them into assholes?). I also wanted make some efforts to improve our overall world (although how to do so without ending up under government surveillance was an issue).
In the end, I found that a lot of my efforts were focused on trying to recreate my family as it currently is. Losing my children to the ether of non-existence was a terrifying prospect. I hope I can sleep better tonight.
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