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Do Over

1/27/2014

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I couldn't fall to sleep last night.  I had one of those thoughts that refused to allow me to enter the peaceful bliss of my dreams.

I was concerned about the weather, more specifically: my drive to work.  For some reason, I had it in my mind that I would be involved something like one of the horrific accidents that I have seen on my past few drives to school (one was a multiple fatality).  Instead of wondering what my family would do in my absence (which is where my mind usually wanders), in this scenario I "woke up" on my airplane ride to Fairbanks on the way to my first year of college.

As this was a cross between a dream and a thought-experiment, I wondered how I would go about my life this second time around, especially since I now had all of my memories from my "first attempt."  My largest concern was for my children.  Simply knowing about my past experience would make it impossible to duplicate precisely the situations that would bring about my children (at least with the characteristics that I know and love).

This set my mind thinking about the multiple experiences and choices that I have made over the past 22+ years.  Some of them would not need to be repeated (I know which video games and books are worth reading).  Some of them would change my life significantly (this version of myself decided to pursue computer programming--there really isn't any benefit to taking another liberal arts degree if I already have the knowledge from the first one).  I could make changes that might significantly improve my life (investing in Yahoo early, and cashing out before the dot.com bust) and maybe even change the world (such as trying to warn officials, without making it sound like a threat, about the 9/11 attacks).

In my mind, the first person I seek out is Janelle.  Knowing that she will think I'm crazy, I try to convince her of the truth of my situation.  I believe that facts from her past (including some secrets) as well as some tiny pieces of knowledge that I had about the future (though late 1992 was rather bland despite the presidential election, there was also the Branch Davidians in Waco in early 1993) would convince her that I was telling the truth.  Knowing Janelle, I believe that she would even want to stay by my side through whatever craziness this would entail (including her getting pregnant in the second half of her freshman year of college).  

The second person I would entrust is Fr. Jim, although I admittedly would not have the same level of info to convince him of the veracity of my situation.  I would want Janelle and I to marry earlier to avoid some of the housing problems she had that coming summer and fall, and I would need Fr. Jim's help to both make that possible, not to mention needing a person whose advice I have always trusted help me with this situation.

I would entrust my parents, but not my siblings (who would only be high school age or younger at the time) with knowledge about my situation at the first winter break (giving my father investment tips).  I wouldn't trust trying to explain this over a phone call, and the Internet was not yet to Fairbanks (it would get there in early 1993).  Meanwhile, I would work with what I know now to excel at my classes and try to network with people before they become famous and/or wealthy.

I spent hours trying to get my mind off this activity last night and I will not bother you with the minutia.  Needless to say, I wanted to find some way to improve my current life as well as the lives of my family and friends (i.e. Could I warn some people about their upcoming cancer when it could make a difference?  Could anonymous donations from my new wealth give people the proper encouragement without turning them into assholes?).  I also wanted make some efforts to improve our overall world (although how to do so without ending up under government surveillance was an issue).

In the end, I found that a lot of my efforts were focused on trying to recreate my family as it currently is.  Losing my children to the ether of non-existence was a terrifying prospect.  I hope I can sleep better tonight.
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My Winter Vacation

1/4/2014

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Two weeks of vacation around Christmas and New Year's Day (and my birthday) make up one of my favorite perks about my job.  These breaks usually don't see me getting much done as far as work or home-improvement are concerned, but I usually get the chance to recharge my mental and spiritual batteries.  As this break is coming to a close, I wanted to share some of the highlights:

1. I didn't put out my back.  Last year, I ended vacation with the most excruciating pain that I have ever experienced.  And while the snowpocalypse might still hit tonight or tomorrow, I have thus far avoided a similar experience.  This, by itself, makes this year's break a hundred times better than last year's.

2. Time with friends and family.  While a GNOME (Guy's Night Of Monster Evisceration) didn't occur, and I haven't seen some of the people whom I love this break, I had tremendously enjoyable times with people I did get to spend time with.  Every family and friend get-together this break was better than I thought they would be (even when I had high hopes to begin with).

3. Dungeons and Dragons became enjoyable again.  Since mid-summer, my enthusiasm for role-playing has been waning.  It was starting to feel like too much of a bother with not enough pay-off.  All it took was one great session with wonderful people to restore my love of this type of game/get-together.

4. The Last of Us - I can only play this game at night due to its horrifying, brutal, and profane content, but this game has one of the best stories that I have experienced this year.  I don't know why I like the post-apocalyptic genre so much, but this game has presented the most realistic (for a vombocalypse story) and still mildly uplifting view that I have yet seen (I refuse to watch The Road).  The gameplay is good.  Still, my favorite parts of the game are when the characters aren't in combat, but are simply exploring the desolation of their world and getting to know and understand each other a little better.  

5. New Year's Day mass - Due to a time mix-up, my mother and I attended the mass on New Year's Day at Queen's rather than St. Mary's.  Between the readings and the guest preacher's sermon, I left this particular mass inspired to a degree that I hadn't anticipated.  I truly wish that more people could experience the grace and contentment that this mass filled into my soul.

6. I turned 40.  The Pirates of the Caribbean marathon went better than I expected (that second movie is just crap), but I was most surprised about how at peace I've felt with reaching this new marker in my life.  Turning 30 made me feel the weight of all that I hadn't accomplished; turning 40 made me appreciate more all that I have.

There are certainly more elements that have combined to make this a favorite winter vacation.  That the snowpocalypse might extend it is a nice bonus.
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