The breath of spring filled my lungs today, rejuvenating me with smells and senses that I had forgotten.  It smelled of promise and potential.

While I love the cold hand of winter and the crisp blanket of snow, I am invigorated by the coming of spring.  It is a time for growth and rebirth, a time for all things to be made new.  Right now it is huddling under the covers of winter, hoping for a few more minutes of rest before getting up and facing the world.  But it can't stay in bed all day.  Spring has things to do.  It is in charge of the beginnings.

So too do I feel with my soul.  I have spent too long with it covered, comfortable in my blanket of false indifference, afraid to let my feelings out into the cold.  But rather than protecting my faith and belief, I was smothering it.  Instead of providing it shelter, I was keeping it from growing towards the light.

Winter is over; spring is here.

Today, instead of wearing purple robes, as is normal for Lent, our priest wore rose colored robes to celebrate.  He did so because the Fourth Sunday of Lent is Laetare (Lay - tar - ay) Sunday.  It means "Rejoice!"

In this case, Laetare is a reminder of why we're in Lent: the Lord's resurrection is nearly here.  It is a reminder in a time of sacrifice that His sacrifice wins out in the end.  It is a reward for passing the halfway point and either enjoying our triumph thus far or setting us back on course.

There are more reasons to rejoice.  Despite what the evening news might say, our world is a pretty fantastic place.  True, it would be nice if more people could enjoy what our world currently has to offer, but more and more people are.  Trust me, as a student and teacher of history, I know of no other time in the world that so many people have had such freedoms, such magic as our current technology, such long lives, and such peace.

The world has long been a violent place, and people have taken advantage of one another since the beginning of time, but those who commit violence and those who take advantage are finding less and less space to live.  We live in an age of marvels, and I believe that it will only get better.  Look at the great things in your life and realize the underlying truth.  We have lives worth celebrating.

Laetare!

I struggle with the concept of death.  I worry that when I pass into the final sleep that I will not awake.  I fear the darkness that will take my consciousness, dreams, and ambitions and turn them into nothing.  My rational (and, as most of you know, egotistical) mind panics at these ideas.

But something within me believes that there is more to it than simple nonexistence.  I sense a connection to the other lives around me.  I feel that I am more than just my physical self.  Perhaps it's just my religion talking.  ... Perhaps it's Yoda: "Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter."

The idea of the soul rings true to me, more so than my being a happy accident of universal forces.  It does not just feel like wishful thinking.  There is a drive, a motivation, beyond the simple desires to survive, procreate, and be remembered.

My rational mind does fear that this existence is it, but even it recognizes that there is more to this world than what we can see.  A part of me knows what my brain only hopes.  This life is not the only life in store for us.  This life will give our future life meaning, but it is not everything.

The new Noah movie starring Russell Crowe and Emma Watson has naturally created a flurry of discussion about Christian beliefs in general and the story of Noah in specific.  While some of the discussion has been from religious people concerned about the dramatization of this event and its accuracy when compared to the Bible, some of the discussion has been about the event itself and what it might reveal about the character of God.  One specific question that has been raised is how can a just and loving god kill off most of creation?

Surely not everyone killed in the flood was evil.  What about the children?  For a religion that is supposed to support life, this story seems rather blood-thirsty.

I don't have the best answer for this.  Frankly, natural disasters are one of the more difficult hurdles that I have to jump in my religion.  Still, I posit the following (and please remember that I am not a theologian nor a geologist):  

The world has survived many extinction-level calamities (us humans causing the largest of them all in number of species ended).  Humans have feared the omen of a comet in the sky (attributed to some level of calamity in nearly every culture of the world).  At some point in our past, a comet appeared in the sky, growing steadily bigger as it approaches and is captured by the Earth.  God warns His people of the danger, but only Noah listens.  The rest of the people deny the threat; some of them throwing "end of the world" parties.  God warns that their preparations need to include species of animal and bird rather than merely the creation of a life raft to hold people and a few supplies.  This event will require a massive rebuilding.  Only Noah and his family prepare.  Some people perhaps half-heartedly imitate Noah's plan, but nothing near the scale that he attempts.  

As the extra pull of the heavenly body asserts massive tidal pressures on the Earth (pulling the water through the gates of the ground), people begin their panic, still not listening to God.  They loot, rape, and murder as people so often do in the face of looming disaster.  Noah makes his final preparations and closes the ark.  The comet finally ends its orbit and crashes into an ocean.  Massive tsunami cross over the Earth.  Hurricane level storms fill the atmosphere.  The world is covered in water.

Noah's ride is not an easy one, but his preparations allow him to survive.  By listening to God's warning, Noah saved our species from a species-killing event.  Over time, the warning would be against the sinfulness of those who did not listen to God.  While true, the story of Noah is more powerful to me because it shows not a mass-murdering God, but a God who warned us and showed us how to save ourselves from a world-ending event, and the man who listened.

Here we are at the end of the first half of Lent.  So far, I have been largely on track with my daily writings.  I've been surprised that I haven't been at a loss for topics.  In fact, there are a couple that I thought I would have written about by now, but more timely issues came up instead.  I have also been surprised that these have flowed as well as they have so far.  Most of these have been first drafts (there are some typos to prove that) that did not require anything (or very little) in the way of revision.  Granted, they aren't exactly Shakespeare, but all-in-all I've been pleased with the outcomes.

Truth be told, I feel largely the same about my life right now (although I hope that I'm not yet to the halfway point).  I feel blessed and when I look around I see evidence that it is more than just a feeling.  Although there are aspects of my work that make me want to quit, I love my job and the people with whom I work.  Even though I would like a bigger yard and a room devoted to my collection of toys and video games, I am very comfortable in my home and where I live.  While I would like to see my friends more, I love my them and am glad that they are a part of my life.  Despite there being room for improvement, I feel as though my relationships with my parents and siblings have grown over time.  I do not spend as much time as I probably should with my children, but they are wonderful, loving, attractive, and intelligent; I am proud (perhaps to a fault) of each of them.  Most importantly, I have the perfect companion in my wife, who has stood by me despite my numerous failings.

My life isn't perfect, but it sure is close. 

Eleanor Rooney died this morning.  She was a pleasant woman who sang as a tenor in the choir at St. Mary's Star of the Sea church.  We are singing at her funeral this Saturday.  While I know that she is in a better place, I am going to miss seeing her.

May the Lord bring her into His warm embrace.

"Give me one piece of evidence that God exists and I'll believe."
The Bible.
"The Bible doesn't count."
The Church has an extensively documented history of miracles over the past two thousand years.
"You can't use anything from the Church."
Two billion one hundred eighty million people believe today (when have that many people ever believed in a single idea?).
"They are all deluded by the Church."
No archeological or historical record has contradicted any historical record from the Bible, while numerous archeological and historical records have corroborated events in the Bible.
"Just because something hasn't been disproven, that doesn't mean that it is proven, and I already told you that you can't use the Bible."
People I know, including my previous pastor, witnessed a miraculous appearance of Christ's image during a Eucharistic adoration.
"Did you see it?"
No.
"Hearsay."
My mother had a miraculous transformation of both her sight and, more recently, a rosary.
"There's no proof that God did that."

... I haven't strangled you yet.
"Now ... that might just be a miracle ..."

The television show Bones mentioned something disturbing the other day.  Last year, a study in Austria discovered that 80% of holy water tested from over 21 sites showed traces of fecal matter.  Now, on the surface, that seems fairly logical.  People don't wash their hands enough, and they certainly don't think about doing so before they go to church.  The 20% of holy water that did not test positive for fecal matter was from sites that replaced their fonts of holy water more often.

When you probe deeper, these finds raise a lot of questions about faith and miracles.  For over a thousand years people have attributed miracles to dipping their hands in, bathing in, and even drinking from these fonts.  Yet, it was a trail of illnesses that led the researchers to conduct their study.  So, what should I believe?

There is evidence to support both sides of the story.  Numerous cases of miracles have been traced to some of these holy sites and documented by people trained to distinguish faith from fraud.  At the same time, the scientific process has replicated experiments that show demonstrate how unhealthy the water can be.

Both can be true.  I really don't have the evidence or the background in theology to support either one nor to discount them either.  There is only one thing I know for certain: I'm still going to dip my hand in the holy water, but I'm going to wash before I eat.

I have no memory of the second reading from today's mass.  I got the first reading (Moses getting water for his people), sang the responsorial psalm, and even tuned back in for the Alleluia and the Gospel (Jesus promising "living water" to the Samaritan woman).  Yet I spaced out the entire second reading.  I was thinking about today's GNOME, issues with work, concerns about my children, and other stray thoughts.  My children, whether sitting in the pew with me or being watched from above, often become my focus rather than God.

This is not an isolated occurrence; I often find my thoughts drifting at times in church and have to pull my attention back to what is going on.  I have even caught myself in mid prayer (mid song even) starting to lose my attention or even completely forgetting what I had just said (or sung).  The hardest times are when, like today, I am tired to begin with and find myself easily entering into an almost dreamlike state.

I only go to church once a week and only for a little over an hour.  That is such a small portion of my life; why dan't I give my attention more fully to God?  But this isn't just true of God, there are many aspects of my life that deserve greater attention (especially my wife and children) yet end up being drowned out by problems, dreams, and stray thoughts.  I need to learn to give attention to those things that are truly important in my life, but I also shouldn't beat myself up over my lack of attention.

I am human, and my attention wanders.  As long as I work to bring my attention back, as long as I don't forget what is truly important, I can forgive myself those lapses. 

I have since read the second reading (and found my attention wandering again, but I pulled it back) and noticed that a portion (Romans 5:3-5) actually talks about something similar to my earlier post on suffering.  I really should pay better attention.

Too many people only know of Jesus through hearsay.  Despite knowing that we shouldn't judge people based solely on the words of others, they look at the flawed lives of some Christians and then reject Christ Himself.  They watch as the news decries sexual abusers in the priesthood, as stories arise of parents who refuse to treat their dying children out of a misplaced faith, as tales emerge of cult leaders who claim to be in direct contact with God, and as televangelists talk about God's wrath on the unbelievers. 

Gandhi even said, "I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians.  Your Christians are so unlike your Christ."  While I have great respect for the man, his quote shows two major misconceptions:  1. That while there are many examples of people who claim to be Christian but who do not practice Christ's teachings, there are many who do follow Christ's example.  2. Jesus is not only "your Christ," but is Christ for everyone.  Gandhi at least learned about Christ, but he did not realize that Christ came to save him as well.

Many people have dismissed Jesus based on hearsay.  Some have listened to only a portion of His teachings and have dismissed them as too hard.  If they only got to know Him, they would love Him as He loves all of us.

Getting to know Him is easy: open your heart.  Take the moment and ask Him to reveal His presence to you.  Like Adam and Eve, we often try to hide from God, ashamed of our nakedness, ashamed because of our sins, but He loves us anyway.  Once you accept God's love, learn about Him.  The best place to start is the Gospel of Luke, followed by the Acts of the Apostles.  While Matthew comes first in the Bible and John is the most lyrical, Luke is the best starting point.  Read and reflect on each teaching of Jesus and each miracle that He performs.  The Truth which He exudes is undeniable.

Don't just listen to my hearsay; experience Jesus for yourself.

Not all beliefs are equal.  While people are free to believe what they want (or to claim that they believe it), some beliefs are not only not as strong as others, some are downright dangerous.  Yet the relativistic view of our society has tried treating all beliefs as having equal value.  Some people have gone so far as to reject all beliefs because some beliefs have proven false.

I wonder how much of this has to do with Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy.  These are harmless beliefs given to children by parents who want to introduce mystery and wonder into their children's lives.  Unfortunately, this can have a detrimental effect on children.  Being told that these characters do not exist can be devastating, almost as though a relative or friend has died.  Worse, most children learn about these character's non-existence from someone who does not have their best interests at heart; the believers challenge the unbelievers only to later have the truth, and their worst fears, confirmed later.  This brings in the questioning of all of their beliefs and a distrust of the people they should be able to believe.

I hate it when people treat my belief in God and in my Church as though I was just another child believing in the Easter Bunny.  It's a convenient myth, they say, a way for us to deal with events that are out of our control, to deal with a loved one's death.  I don't have a good response for that.  To me, every atom is proof of God's existence, but that idea has to be taken on faith.  I fear that, because we have damaged so many children's beliefs in one thing, we have torn apart their faith in that which is real. 

I have often joked that I don't know what I want to be when I grow up, yet all humor holds a kernel of truth.  Truthfully, I really don't know what God's plan is for me.  I feel like I keep getting mixed signals.  Sometimes, I feel like I am right where I am supposed to be.  Other times?  Well, it feels like I am being pushed and pulled in other directions.

Things are both good and terrifying at my job right now.  I love what I do, but for every good thing that happens, another problem or hurdle seems to get thrown in my way.  I know that God has a plan for each of us, but I would feel much better knowing at least the high points of what he expects for and from me.

Trusting by itself is hard enough, but I know that our destinies require action on our parts as well.  I just don't know whether I should stay on my present course, make a slight adjustment, or swerve entirely.

On this first day of spring, I realize that I, like the nature God created, have to being willing to renew myself regularly.  Whatever the plan is for me, I will do my best to flourish in it.

One of the falsehoods of modern society is that suffering is evil.  People look at the suffering from natural disasters and diseases, elements generally beyond human control, and point to it as evidence that God cannot or will not stop evil.

Now, I do not believe that our loving God enjoys our suffering, but I also do not believe that suffering is always a bad thing.  Our bodies bring the symptoms of illness in order to stop infection.  Doctors may have to remove organs or appendages in the effort to save their patients' lives.  Many artists suffer for their art, without that suffering to draw from, their art would never attain the level of power that is capable of inspiring others.  People suffer for their children, taking on jobs, burdens, and hardships for the sake of making other people's lives better.  We even have the expression "no pain, no gain" when it comes to improving our bodies.

Sometimes people are inspired by suffering to do great things which they would otherwise never accomplish.  Suffering has advanced science in both pushing the boundaries of medicine and in furthering advancements in technology.  And it was ultimately through Christ's suffering that we have been saved from eternal death.

Suffering is a part of life.  As Wolverine once said, "I'll stop feeling pain when I'm dead."  Even the Dread Pirate Roberts had something to say on the subject: "Life is pain ... Anyone who says differently is selling something."  Yet truth be told, I would prefer not to suffer.  Nor would I like to see any of my family or friends suffer.  Jesus felt the same way as His death approached.  That fateful night in Gethsemane, He said "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me ..."  but He added, "... yet not my will, but yours be done " (Luke 22:42).

God has a greater plan for all of us.  While I pray not to suffer, I hope that I can also accept God's will in my life.  Only He knows what ultimate greatness it might bring about.

I am a science fiction nut.  From Star Wars to Star Trek, Firefly to Farscape, Orson Scott Card to Isaac Asimov, I enjoy nearly all writings, shows, and movies that look at the possibilities of science and how it might affect humanity.  Thus I was quite excited to see the return of Cosmos to the airwaves, and while my family was not completely impressed (I think pacing had something to do with it), I felt young again while watching it.

Of course, this might come as a surprise to people who only read my religious writings.  How can I possibly believe in science and God at the same time?  Wasn't I upset when they talked about the universe being 13.9 billion years old?  Wasn't I insulted by the presentation of Church officials and their persecution of poor Bruno?  Wouldn't I want the show to talk about God's hand in the creation of everything?

I believe in God.  I believe He made a world of infinite complexity.  Science, for me, is not a belief, its a process of understanding our universe (perhaps even multi-verse), a universe which God created.  The two are only mutually exclusive in the minds of the ignorant (religious and atheistic alike).  

While I believe that God has the power to create everything in seven days, I don't believe that was the case.  To me, the stages of creation in Genesis are an apt description (especially considering when they were written) of the same "cosmic calendar" that Neil Degrasse Tyson presented on the show.  If we, in our modern and advanced age, need for time to be explained using a calendar year as a reference, why would the ancients not need something similar?

While the presentation of the medieval Church was rather stereotyped, it was a cartoon.  It still got the basic facts right.  As much as I am often embarrassed by the historical actions of my country which I love (such as its treatment of Native Americans), so too has the historical actions of the Church been a source of shame for me.  I do not put my head in the sand when it comes to these events.  In fact, as a student and teacher of history, I probably know more about them than most people.  Much of the Church hierarchy at the time were narrow-minded at best, greedy and power-hungry at worst.  Still, many scientific advances occurred not just in spite of the Church, but through its help and funding.  Acknowledging an organization's faults does not discount its successes.

I was actually impressed with how much Cosmos talked about God.  It in no way discredited God's contribution to our creation.  In fact, the portion dealing with Bruno almost seemed to evangelize the idea of an infinite God, even if it did have a harsh view on the religion of the time.  When I saw the show's recreation of the big bang, I could almost hear God's voice say "Let there be light!"

Despite what some false prophets (both religious and atheistic) would like people to believe, religion and science are not mutually exclusive.  In my mind, as well as in the minds of many famous scientists, each can actually help us better understand the other.