While I hope that I might start up before the school year starts, I was again not capable of generating the positive habit of writing a bit towards one of the many novels that I want to write.  With that in mind, I'm going to stop keeping a tally of where my writing for Vali's Tale is at the current moment (which is nowhere) each week.  It was not enough of an incentive.

Instead, I want to refocus on getting my novel Dragon Hunter polished and ready for e-publishing.  Hopefully, I can get more movement on getting an appropriate cover and make some mild edits on some parts that I know need polishing.  While I had hoped to get that done by August, I now need to get it going (in at least one form) before the school year starts.

I'm not going to let myself feel guilty about this (well, too much).  While there were plenty of distractions which I could blame, I just didn't feel the muse.  I need to find a way to tap into my creative well again.

While I am strong supporter of the idea that many of our dreams are better left unfulfilled (look at the statistics for lottery winners), I also often lament the dreams of mine that have not materialized.  Any time I start thinking in this direction, Langston Hughes' poem "A Dream Deferred" comes to mind.  I think about the dreams I have lost that I regret, that have festered, that I have forgotten, and that still hold a happy memory for me.

I have few regrets as I am happy with my life and I know that changing even a small piece of my past could have seriously changed my life's course.  Still, there are forks in road of my life where, with everything else being equal, I would have liked to follow the other path. 

The greatest of these is following the path of being a full-time writer.  If anything, this summer (and many of those that came before) has shown that I need to work on my self-discipline if I want this to be more than a dream.  Still, I look with longing at people's "writing spaces" and dens.

As I have aged and my children have grown, I find that some of my dreams for them are not to be realized.  That may be for the best.  Many of my dreams for my children are dreams based on my ideas of happiness, which may or may not be their own.

I have few regrets, but I still have dreams that I would prefer if they were not deferred.

With a little less than a month before our first required day to report to school, I already find myself having nightmares about being back.  Don't get me wrong, I love teaching.  There are just so many things that can (and sometimes do) go wrong.  Probably because teaching is such a part of who I am, these dreams take those things that could go wrong and show them to me in spectacularly vivid ways.

Last night, for example, held one of my classic nightmares: a new classroom.  This one was on the fifth floor (my school only has one level) with only one "working" stairway that was missing a railing.  When I finally got to my room (many of these nightmares have me running late due to circumstances beyond my control), I found most of my students sitting on the narrow landing to the stairs, looking down five flights through broken pipes and wires.  They weren't in my classroom because the classroom was only about fifteen by twenty feet and filled with old materials from other teachers' classrooms.  We moved the stuff around as best as we could, but before I could start teaching, the bell rang and I had to go back down the treacherous stairs to get to a different classroom (I've only been in multiple classrooms one year, and I hated it).

That's most of what I remember (aside from something about a blizzard, parking problems, and MacDonald's coffee), but you get the basic idea.  At least I was teaching (or going to teach) in my subject area.  I have had dreams where I was teaching chemistry, biology, and even Spanish II (not Spanish I, but Spanish II).

It's a little early for the dreams.  They usually wait until early August.  They probably started early because I met with my new student teacher last week.  I could do without these nightmares.  I have enough self-doubt as is.

I was summoned for jury duty this week.  As there was only one jury trial and I was not selected as part of the jury, I have already completed my duty.  Oddly, while serving on the jury would have caused me several difficulties, I am more than a little disappointed that I wasn't chosen ... again.

This is the second time that I had to appear at our local courthouse due to a jury summons.  The last time, I was the first juror dismissed by the attorneys in two separate trials.  This time, I never even made it to the juror seats.  In both cases, my entire juror experience was wrapped up by noon.

I like the idea of juries and I feel that being on a jury is part of my civic duty.  I think that I partially feel that I haven't been able to fulfill my role as a citizen by not yet serving as a juror.  Possibly, I feel left out, like when choosing teams on the elementary playground, when I'm not chosen.  Perhaps, I simply want to have a first-hand experience as a juror after watching jury trials on TV shows and movies, as well as listening to other peoples' juror experiences.  I worry that my disappointment is because I like the idea of sitting in judgement over a person.

Perhaps I shouldn't be on a jury after all.

Solomon asked the Lord for wisdom to judge his people and to distinguish right from wrong.  The Lord blessed Solomon because he asked for this gift and not gifts of power or long life.  Yet didn't Adam and Eve get forced from the Garden of Eden because they ate from the tree that gave them the knowledge of good and evil?

Today's sermon illuminated this supposed conflict and brought the question into our modern society.  The difference is that Solomon was asking for God's guidance in distinguishing right from wrong, while Adam and Eve were looking to create their own distinctions between what is good and what is evil.  It's the same battle that we are currently fighting in our world: Is there an absolute truth?

So many people confuse right and wrong with popular opinion.  They believe that if they convince half the nation that something is right, it makes that action right.  Unfortunately, one does not need to look far into history to see where this idea goes astray with disastrous consequences.  Mob mentality should not decide moral issues.

How then do we know right from wrong?  We ask God.  He showed us the way through His teaching, especially in His time on Earth as a human.  He founded a Church to give people a moral compass, and while the people in the Church have sometimes lost their way, His message of Love and Understanding has stood for thousands of years.

We are granted wisdom when we ask for it.  The problem is that we often don't like what we know is the wise course of action; it often challenges us and it illuminates some of our faults that we would prefer to ignore.   The wisdom of Solomon is there for each of us if we have the strength to look for it.

I am now forty pages in the hole.  It's been four weeks and I've written a grand total of a paragraph.  There were three separate occasions that I sat down to write this week and just stared at the screen for a few minutes before getting distracted by something else.

Now, several days this week (and at least one more next week) were spent replacing a section of the drain field in our back yard, and I again spent a good portion of the week playing D&D with various groups of people.  While my summer has not been as productive as I would like in the writing department, it has been an enjoyable summer.

This next week is going to be busy as well, but I think that I've decided that if I don't get writing this week, I am going to stop the weekly updates on my lack of progress.  I don't like quitting.  We will see if that is incentive enough.

I love playing Skyrim, to the point that I am rather addicted to playing it.  Aside from StarCraft II which I frequently play with my brother, I have logged more hours into Skyrim than any other game ... by far.  I like the sense of exploration and fantasy that the game brings.  I feel a level of immersion when I play that I don't feel with most other games.

Still, one of my original complaints about the game stands even after all of this time: so many of the quests are either evil or nearly hopeless.  If I am tasked with looking into the disappearance of a person (or a family, or even a civilization), it is an easy bet that whatever I am looking for came to a bad end.  Too often, the choices I am given in the game do not include a choice that I would make.  Many times, the only options are ones that only have bad endings themselves.

While I certainly appreciate the freedom that Skyrim (and games that attempt to be like it) give, it saddens me that I have to make "evil" choices to complete large portions of the content.  Actually, this often means that I miss out on large portions of the content because I refuse to make those choices.  Worse, there's no reward for being faithful or good in most cases.

However, those complaints obviously don't stop me from continuing to play, and enjoy, the game.

Willow trees hold a special place in my heart.  The first tree that I remember climbing was a willow.  It was a tree where my imagination was able to soar.  I even tried soaring myself from it once with wings made out of paper.

My parents had three willow trees in their yard while I was growing up.  One was in the front on the side hill.  This was my first tree.  It had a double trunk with one side giving dividing even further and then dividing again, all relatively low to the ground.  Basically, that side allowed at least two people to sit comfortably in it without requiring too much work.  It was my spaceship.  Often I would sit in the "gunner" seat (which was higher) while my sister "piloted" our craft.  The other side of the tree was a much more difficult climb, but it had a fantastic perch to serve as a lookout post.

The second one was my least favorite as it was near the apple trees and thus more bugs.  It also had a low-hanging branch, but it didn't have the multiple perches for more than one person to use.  It was, however, possible to hang a tire-swing from it.

While we wouldn't be able to climb the willow in the back until we were older, it quickly became my favorite.  It wasn't until about six feet off the ground that this tree split its trunk, but when it did, it made a space like a little tree house.  It also had numerous branches parallel to the ground that were perfect for gymnastic moves.  Sadly, it is now the last of the willows and all of its large branches have been taken down.  All that is left is that trunk which still rises over six feet off the ground.

Today, my mother purchased and had me attach several boards to the willow as well as a couple of hand-holds and a climbing rope.  My youngest sons and I climbed to the top as I attached them.  It was like visiting an old friend.  While it's more of a large stump than a tree, as well as home to an assortment of bug, the boys and I had a fun climbing it again.  

I'll just have to check my sons for paper wings before they go to play on it.

I have had a much busier summer than I had expected.  We recently passed the half-way point of my break, and I can't help but think of all the things that I haven't managed to accomplish.  This seems like a good place to take stock of what I've done and not done as I only have a little over a month before my life goes at break-neck speed again.

I finished (although I haven't polished) the Rosary section on this website.  Considering that I had been planning on doing this for a number of years now, I'm really glad that I got it up and running.

We cleaned out the garage from the garage sale and can now park our cars in it again.  Honestly, it had been long enough that I had trouble parking in the garage again.

I've been writing in this blog nearly every day.  Only on days like yesterday, where we end up busy until later than I expect, have I had to postpone writing the blog.  Still, I've managed to have a blog for every day since I've started.

I fixed and updated the character spreadsheets that I use for D&D (both 3.5 and my home-brewed 3.6), and made them available on Google Docs.

I've been playing tennis at least twice a week with my father.

I even fixed the slide and swing set at my parents' house, as well as set up the beginnings of a play area on the willow tree in their back yard.

And I've seen a lot more of my friends this summer than I have for the last several years.  While the lack of down-time is frustrating my wife a bit, I've been having a blast.

That said, there's still a lot on my list: repair the drain field (in progress), get a cover picture for Dragon Hunter and get the book e-published, write a new story (Vali's Tale), take a load or two to the dump and metal recycler, clean up the basement, go on a trip (currently planned), get Pool of Radiance stuff on this web site, finish converting DQ7 into a D&D adventure, and other things that aren't coming to mind.  I am avoiding working on school stuff even if the dreams have already started.  There will be time enough for that later.

At least I've been getting some stuff done.  This has already been a more productive summer than most of my previous one.  Still, I have some catching up to do.

I just finished watching My Fellow Americans, a comedy from 1996 where two ex-Presidents (one Republican, one Democrat) must work together to help uncover a plot to discredit and kill them.   Played by Jack Lemon and James Garner, these two Presidents can't stand one another, but they not only learn how to work together, but they learn something about the people in the country that they were running as well.

I like this movie for its comedy and its entertaining cast, but mostly for the themes that it has.  One of the most important of these that struck me as I watching the movie today is how much more we accomplish when we work together rather than when we work against one another.  

Politics in America was designed to be divided.  The intention of the founders of this nation was to create a system that required debate and discussion before action could be taken.  Too often in America's history has this intentional division been taken too far.  Too often do the politicians on both sides use rhetoric to demolish the other side rather than use action to prove the positives of their own positions.  This is not a new phenomenon, but it is sad nonetheless.  

This is a nation that needs debate in order to make certain that the government is doing what is best for its citizens, but it needs debates that don't completely alienate the various positions.  We need to start listening to one another again and acknowledge the strengths of the various arguments.  The politicians of our nation are not trying to destroy America, and we need to recognize that.  People are not wrong simply because they support a different political party.  Once we clear those unworthy ideas from the American consciousness, we can make our country (and our world) a better place.

You see, you can learn things from watching movies.

More so than any other television show, except perhaps M.A.S.H., the Rockford Files was a major part of my early childhood.  I don't remember much from the show itself other than its car chases, but I remember Jim Rockford and his personality.  In some ways, I almost thought of him like an uncle.  It sounds weird as I write it, but it was true nonetheless.  

My father was a big fan of James Garner.  I believe his favorite movie is The Americanization of Emily (which is certainly worth watching).  Along with the Rockford Files, he also tried to watch any of the reruns of Maverick, which I enjoyed more, that he could find.  I know that these characters helped to form my idea of what a hero should be.  They didn't seek out confrontations and they often looked for non-violent solutions.  They were concerned about day-to-day life, but had a code of ethics that didn't allow them to ignore the downtrodden.

As I grew up, seeing James Garner in a film or show was like seeing a relative or friend.  I didn't always like the roles that he played, but I still looked forward to seeing him.  With that in mind, his passing has affected me almost as much as if a relative or friend passed away.  It amazes me how much we are affected by the lives of people who never met us.

We watched the first half of the Rockford Files pilot episode last night.  The clothes and hairstyles are entertaining and the show's pacing is MUCH slower than to what we are now accustomed, but the show is still entertaining and it was like seeing an old friend again.  Rest in peace, James Garner.

Today's Gospel reading (Matthew 13:24-43) held three parables.  

The wheat and the weeds
The first of the parables, like last week's reading, is often used by people to justify their views of predestination.  In it a farmer plants good seed in his fields, but his enemy plants weeks in the farmer's field while the farmer is sleeping.  The farmer allows both wheat and weed to grow together out of concern that pulling up the weeds might also kill good plants.  Instead, he lets them grow together and only separates them at the harvest.

It's easy to see why this would lead people to the idea of predestination as the good and bad are determined when they are still seeds (this is also where the expression a "bad seed" when referring to a person can be traced back to).  Yet what most followers of predestination miss is that the farmer allows the wheat and weeds to live together.  This was Jesus's answer to why evil is allowed to exist in the world.  He is not willing to damage (or even mistakenly destroy) the good people just to rid the world of evil.  There is also a suggestion that it is not fully possible to discern the wheat from the weeds.  While people might judge one another as evil or worthy, only God knows the final outcome, and thus only He is the proper judge.

In the sermon today, we were told that the wheat and weeds can also be taken to look at the experiences in our lives.  We have time to still nurture the proper tendencies and feelings within us.  This idea connects to the last two parables which deal with faith being compared to a mustard seed (which might start as a small seed, but can grow into a large plant that gives others rest) and to yeast (which only needs a little to help a large amount of dough to rise).

Too many people focus on the part of the burning and the "wailing and gnashing of teeth" and not enough of the nourishing and hopeful side of these teachings.  We have to allow the seeds of faith to grow within us, not just for our lives but for the lives that we touch.

I'm now thirty pages behind (as in I haven't really written anything new this summer).  That isn't all that unexpected, but I also didn't finish the Rosary section this past week, which puts me a bit further behind schedule than I expected.

It was a bit of a busy week.  With a couple of meetings, various chores around the house, and several gaming sessions, I have been easily filling my social calendar this week, not to mention this summer.  While I have a few things on the agenda for this coming week, I do plan on putting a dent in my page deficit.

In prewriting news, I came up with a couple of solutions to my current writing block, so I at least know where to go with Vali and Orean once I pick up with their story again.  I think I have a track for them through even meeting up with their next friend.  Next week, those of you following this story will have something to read.

While The Settlers of Catan still holds its place as my favorite board game of all time, Carcassonne has definitely made some gains on my list.  Honestly, a major reason that I like it is the way the board looks as you build it.  It's a pretty easy game to learn, but it takes a while to master it.  While several expansions that change the nature of the game in subtle but interesting ways, this game has the capacity to hold a family's attention for quite a while.

And there's another thing I like about the game: my family likes playing it.  Each game is relatively short, so we can get in a couple of games at sitting (the expansions usually make the game a bit longer).  While I know that this sounds like an advertisement, it's not meant as such.  This game has become a part of what my family and I do, so I wanted to share it.