There have been a large number of posts on my feed lately that have used the phrase "I would never ..." followed by an action or concept that the person does not support. A similar, and parallel, structure is found in posts that contain wording such as "I don't understand how someone could ...". These phrases allow the writers (or speakers) to feel a degree of superiority over those they have judged unworthy of mercy or compassion. I feel that making (or possibly believing in) such remarks not only puts a wall between us and understanding, but it can actually lead to a the writer (or speaker) being more unprepared to deal with a similar situation when it arises.
Allow me to use a specific example, and I warn you that it might cause some to take offence. I am unapologetically pro-life. You can look to earlier posts of mine to see my reasoning for this stance. However, my feed has recently been filled with comments in reference to the new law in New York that allows abortions up to the baby's birthday [sometimes termed fetus's due date]. A number of these comments have said something such as "I would never even think of having an abortion" or "I don't understand how anyone could kill their baby just before it was due." To be frank, these comments ignore the humanity of the situation. They do not allow for an examination of the circumstances, or a full exploration of the details in question. Instead, they lock the people who say them in a static state that does not allow for evidence, understanding, compassion, or mercy.
The truth is all humans are broken creatures. We do not know what will happen to us when put into a specific situation. By claiming "I would never" we try to convince ourselves that we are somehow superior to other human beings who have been tested in ways that we have not. We pass judgment without knowing all of the evidence because we do not wish to tempt the chance that we might actually change our minds if we knew more about the actual circumstances.
I remember when one of the staunchest pro-life people I have ever known discovered that her daughter had been raped, and more so, that a pregnancy resulted. The concept of having an abortion was brought up and advocated by this same person. When the threat was to some unknown woman, it was easy to take a hard-lined stand, but in the face of it being this parent's daughter, the choice was not so easy. By having relied on "I would never," this person was entirely unprepared for truly facing such a painful and difficult decision which would have repercussions throughout the lives of everyone involved.
I've seen this with other "I would nevers" over the course of my life. I would never steal. I would never do drugs. I would never have an affair. I would never hurt my children. I would never commit suicide. By not examining the flawed human nature within themselves, but rather hiding behind platitudes, not only did these people not face the possibility of what they hoped to avoid happening to them, but they had trapped themselves because they felt they could not go to anyone for help ... because most of those they knew had said "I would never" too.
We, humans, are all too eager to judge. Perhaps we believe that by judging others, we somehow divert attention from our own faults (or worse, we manage to convince ourselves that those faults do not exist). If we truly wish to make our world a better place, we need to be willing to truly examine ourselves. Maybe then, we could have open and honest conversations with one another. Maybe then, we could start to find better solutions to our problems.
I don't understand how someone wouldn't want to make the world better.
Allow me to use a specific example, and I warn you that it might cause some to take offence. I am unapologetically pro-life. You can look to earlier posts of mine to see my reasoning for this stance. However, my feed has recently been filled with comments in reference to the new law in New York that allows abortions up to the baby's birthday [sometimes termed fetus's due date]. A number of these comments have said something such as "I would never even think of having an abortion" or "I don't understand how anyone could kill their baby just before it was due." To be frank, these comments ignore the humanity of the situation. They do not allow for an examination of the circumstances, or a full exploration of the details in question. Instead, they lock the people who say them in a static state that does not allow for evidence, understanding, compassion, or mercy.
The truth is all humans are broken creatures. We do not know what will happen to us when put into a specific situation. By claiming "I would never" we try to convince ourselves that we are somehow superior to other human beings who have been tested in ways that we have not. We pass judgment without knowing all of the evidence because we do not wish to tempt the chance that we might actually change our minds if we knew more about the actual circumstances.
I remember when one of the staunchest pro-life people I have ever known discovered that her daughter had been raped, and more so, that a pregnancy resulted. The concept of having an abortion was brought up and advocated by this same person. When the threat was to some unknown woman, it was easy to take a hard-lined stand, but in the face of it being this parent's daughter, the choice was not so easy. By having relied on "I would never," this person was entirely unprepared for truly facing such a painful and difficult decision which would have repercussions throughout the lives of everyone involved.
I've seen this with other "I would nevers" over the course of my life. I would never steal. I would never do drugs. I would never have an affair. I would never hurt my children. I would never commit suicide. By not examining the flawed human nature within themselves, but rather hiding behind platitudes, not only did these people not face the possibility of what they hoped to avoid happening to them, but they had trapped themselves because they felt they could not go to anyone for help ... because most of those they knew had said "I would never" too.
We, humans, are all too eager to judge. Perhaps we believe that by judging others, we somehow divert attention from our own faults (or worse, we manage to convince ourselves that those faults do not exist). If we truly wish to make our world a better place, we need to be willing to truly examine ourselves. Maybe then, we could have open and honest conversations with one another. Maybe then, we could start to find better solutions to our problems.
I don't understand how someone wouldn't want to make the world better.
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