I was not as fortunate the other day. Rather than cutting the tension, my over-the-top attitude only spiralled. It didn't help that I was feeling pretty miserable and did not have the deft handling necessary for that type of balancing act.
Unfortunately, I am probably not as capable of dealing with edgy humor as I think I am. More than once, friends and colleagues (and both in one) have come to me days (even weeks) after a conversation with the opening "I was SO mad at you the other day, but when I calmed down to think about what you said ..." I usually don't even remember the actual conversation except in its broadest strokes. I certainly don't remember being so mean that I would bring about anger.
I realize that this streak of meanness and dark humor has been a part of my personality for ... well ... ever. A portion of it was built out of self-defence. My relatives on both sides have always been quick-witted and keen-tongued. Conversations could often take on the feeling of fencing matches, with each side looking for a verbal weakness to strike. This has left me in the perpetual habit of being en garde in any situation.
Some of it is that I tend to say what I think is funny without full consideration of the situation or the people involved. Indeed, this has put me into a number of awkward scenes in the past from which I hope that I have learned. Still, there are times that I only realize that a person might have taken a comment in a mean way only after seeing their reaction (or when told later).
Sadly, not all mean comments of mine are unintentional. Although I have really tried to work on this aspect of my personality, I sometimes go for the "killing strike" in my wordplay when I am particularly aggravated or even hurt. I was recently "unfriended" due to such an exchange with a former mentor of mine. Thankfully, these times are much fewer as I can usually tell when I am not striving for wit but too wound.
Certainly, I still need to work on this.