I cannot pinpoint the precise time, but sometime within the past few year, I lost my fear of death. It was strange to me when I recognized this because, for as long as I can remember, I had been terrified of death--of what might (or might not) come next. In particular, the thought of losing my consciousness brought dread to my very soul and occupied a great deal of my thoughts. Then, one day, I realized that my fear was gone, and had been for a while. The realization was extraordinarily freeing.
I came to this realization that my dread of death had vanished (although I don't know when it actually disappeared) about two and half years ago when reading Plato's "Apology" in preparation for a literary discussion. In it, Socrates tells the men of Athens that he would prefer death over imprisonment as he knows imprisonment would be arduous, but believes that death will either bring happiness or nothing. I found that I had already come to agree with most of that idea before I read it.
If my faith holds to be true, an everlasting paradise beyond my comprehension lies beyond the gateway of death. Certainly, I do not believe I am worthy of such a reward and that my soul may face a crucible before being allowed entrance, but I similarly do not believe that I have done anything deserving of eternal torment (nor has nearly anyone). If I am wrong in my belief, than the nothingness that follows is no more daunting than a blissfully deep sleep.
To be clear, I do not wish to hasten my departure for that other realm. Even if it is full of the greatest possible joys, heaven exists outside of time and so there is no reason to rush towards it. Meanwhile, there is still a great deal in this life that I still enjoy, and like a child in the middle of playing, I will likely still plead for "five more minutes" when my time comes to an end.
I came to this realization that my dread of death had vanished (although I don't know when it actually disappeared) about two and half years ago when reading Plato's "Apology" in preparation for a literary discussion. In it, Socrates tells the men of Athens that he would prefer death over imprisonment as he knows imprisonment would be arduous, but believes that death will either bring happiness or nothing. I found that I had already come to agree with most of that idea before I read it.
If my faith holds to be true, an everlasting paradise beyond my comprehension lies beyond the gateway of death. Certainly, I do not believe I am worthy of such a reward and that my soul may face a crucible before being allowed entrance, but I similarly do not believe that I have done anything deserving of eternal torment (nor has nearly anyone). If I am wrong in my belief, than the nothingness that follows is no more daunting than a blissfully deep sleep.
To be clear, I do not wish to hasten my departure for that other realm. Even if it is full of the greatest possible joys, heaven exists outside of time and so there is no reason to rush towards it. Meanwhile, there is still a great deal in this life that I still enjoy, and like a child in the middle of playing, I will likely still plead for "five more minutes" when my time comes to an end.
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