I never drank a drop of alcohol, smoked a cigarette, chewed tobacco, or tried a drug that was not prescribed by a doctor. While my reasons for such abstinence are many, and several of these reasons are stories of their own, one reason I have stayed away from things which have such addictive properties is that I know that I am susceptible to addiction. I have three major addictions: sex, food (especially doughnuts and chocolate), and video games. I'll spare everyone's sensitivities and avoid discussion of the first one.
I don't know what my problem is with food. I know that I eat when depressed or when under stress (I gain about ten pounds each time I get the lay off slip). However, this is more than that. When I see food, especially a desserts or food I enjoy, I automatically assume that it belongs to me. For example, a teacher in my hall has brought doughnuts for his students on several occasions. As of late, I have not been offered one, and I find myself having to fight a resentment towards him in those cases. I don't need a doughnut, and I don't bring doughnuts to share with him from time to time, but still, I have to stop myself from inviting myself into his room and taking one. This holds true for other teachers' pizza parties, class breakfasts, and Spanish class fiestas. At home, I have to consciously stop myself from getting into my children's bags of candy, cookies, or chips. I'm a grown man and can buy my own junk food if I so desired. Yet in the above circumstances, I find myself fixated on the food, thinking about it several hours. Why do I covet other people's food so?
My food addiction doesn't hold a candle to my addiction to video games. When I start playing a video game, I zone out to such a degree that a little runt of a dog was able to piddle on my leg (I was sitting on the floor) and I didn't notice until it soaked through my jeans. I can go for hours without stopping for bathroom breaks or meals. During those trances, I feel no hunger (nor bursting of bladder) unless the game is paused or going through a long loading screen. When I'm not playing, a good deal of my mental capacity is spent thinking about the game, planning my next session or figuring out how to squeeze out that little bit of time so I can find that one more thing.
This was the reason I originally stayed away from Skyrim. When Janelle borrowed it from friends, it only took a couple of times of watching her running into walls (she's not that practiced with 1st person controls) for me to want to take the controller. And the moment I did, I was hooked. This is why I absolutely refuse to play World of Warcraft or other unending MMORPG's. I believe that my father might be correct in his statement that video games kept me from greatness. I wonder at the achievements I could have reached had I not spent my time accomplishing nothing yet feeling the false satisfaction of completing a great many virtual things.
Still, knowing that I'm addicted has not stopped my obsessions. I still covet the next doughnut and want to play the next video game. I have tried stopping myself on a few occasions and have found myself irrationally irritable and more depressed than before. I berate myself for not being strong enough when I succumb, as I eventually do. But then I wonder if I'm being too hard on myself as well. These are things I enjoy. While I should learn to control myself better, why deprive myself of those pleasures in life that I do take?
Or am I simply justifying my addiction again?
I don't know what my problem is with food. I know that I eat when depressed or when under stress (I gain about ten pounds each time I get the lay off slip). However, this is more than that. When I see food, especially a desserts or food I enjoy, I automatically assume that it belongs to me. For example, a teacher in my hall has brought doughnuts for his students on several occasions. As of late, I have not been offered one, and I find myself having to fight a resentment towards him in those cases. I don't need a doughnut, and I don't bring doughnuts to share with him from time to time, but still, I have to stop myself from inviting myself into his room and taking one. This holds true for other teachers' pizza parties, class breakfasts, and Spanish class fiestas. At home, I have to consciously stop myself from getting into my children's bags of candy, cookies, or chips. I'm a grown man and can buy my own junk food if I so desired. Yet in the above circumstances, I find myself fixated on the food, thinking about it several hours. Why do I covet other people's food so?
My food addiction doesn't hold a candle to my addiction to video games. When I start playing a video game, I zone out to such a degree that a little runt of a dog was able to piddle on my leg (I was sitting on the floor) and I didn't notice until it soaked through my jeans. I can go for hours without stopping for bathroom breaks or meals. During those trances, I feel no hunger (nor bursting of bladder) unless the game is paused or going through a long loading screen. When I'm not playing, a good deal of my mental capacity is spent thinking about the game, planning my next session or figuring out how to squeeze out that little bit of time so I can find that one more thing.
This was the reason I originally stayed away from Skyrim. When Janelle borrowed it from friends, it only took a couple of times of watching her running into walls (she's not that practiced with 1st person controls) for me to want to take the controller. And the moment I did, I was hooked. This is why I absolutely refuse to play World of Warcraft or other unending MMORPG's. I believe that my father might be correct in his statement that video games kept me from greatness. I wonder at the achievements I could have reached had I not spent my time accomplishing nothing yet feeling the false satisfaction of completing a great many virtual things.
Still, knowing that I'm addicted has not stopped my obsessions. I still covet the next doughnut and want to play the next video game. I have tried stopping myself on a few occasions and have found myself irrationally irritable and more depressed than before. I berate myself for not being strong enough when I succumb, as I eventually do. But then I wonder if I'm being too hard on myself as well. These are things I enjoy. While I should learn to control myself better, why deprive myself of those pleasures in life that I do take?
Or am I simply justifying my addiction again?
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