One of my former students posted an article about the tradition of a man asking a woman's father for the father's blessing before the man asks the woman to marry him. While the article blasted the tradition as misogynistic, the student said that she wouldn't want to marry a man who didn't talk to her father first. Personally, I hadn't thought about the idea much. I was certainly happy that Peter asked for my blessing (which I was happy to give) and Janelle's before proposing to Katrina (although that left me with a little more than a week of keeping a secret). Still, I don't think that I would have been bent out of shape if he proposed without asking first.
Granted, I like Peter. I don't know if things would be the same if a man I didn't care for wanted to marry my daughter. I certainly think that it would be easier to dislike the guy if he never asked permission. I could see me construing such a slight as him basically saying that he had no respect for her parents or family. I think that's one area that people often forget when they plan on getting married: they are gaining an entire family of relations in the process. I feel that those who ignore that family, or at least don't attempt to make some sort of connection with the family, are more likely to have short-term marriages as well. I'm certain that there are exceptions to that idea on both ends of the spectrum.
I wonder how much this practice still continues. Have we become more of a "beg forgiveness rather than ask permission" sort of society? Is that necessarily a negative thing? In an era where women are much more in control of their own destinies, should the woman be the first one the man asks?
I suppose that a great deal depends on the connection between father and daughter. In my view, I think that Peter asking me was a sign that he recognized a healthy relationship between Katrina and myself. Moreso, I think that Katrina being pleased that Peter asked for my permission shows that a healthy relationship between us actually exists.
Granted, I like Peter. I don't know if things would be the same if a man I didn't care for wanted to marry my daughter. I certainly think that it would be easier to dislike the guy if he never asked permission. I could see me construing such a slight as him basically saying that he had no respect for her parents or family. I think that's one area that people often forget when they plan on getting married: they are gaining an entire family of relations in the process. I feel that those who ignore that family, or at least don't attempt to make some sort of connection with the family, are more likely to have short-term marriages as well. I'm certain that there are exceptions to that idea on both ends of the spectrum.
I wonder how much this practice still continues. Have we become more of a "beg forgiveness rather than ask permission" sort of society? Is that necessarily a negative thing? In an era where women are much more in control of their own destinies, should the woman be the first one the man asks?
I suppose that a great deal depends on the connection between father and daughter. In my view, I think that Peter asking me was a sign that he recognized a healthy relationship between Katrina and myself. Moreso, I think that Katrina being pleased that Peter asked for my permission shows that a healthy relationship between us actually exists.
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