I need to tell you this now before I forget, before my mind’s eye is occupied by things of triviality.
I hate seeing old pictures of myself. They aren’t of the person that I remember being. Every time I see them, I want to scream as myself, to warn myself against the traps of laziness and procrastination, and the even greater traps of temporary treasure and impermanent pleasure.
I never properly see myself. I am continually surprised by the mirror. In my mind, I am youthful, handsome, brilliant. Sadly, the mirror shows me a face and a body that I don’t completely recognize. The pictures on my wall remind me that a great deal of my youth has been misspent. Together, the mirrors and pictures remind me that I do not have the youth that I thought I had, that I was not as brilliant in my youth as I have always believed myself to have been.
I see the dreams and promise in those pictures, and I’m angered that those dreams and promises now feel broken. This is why parents are so hard on their children. We are haunted by memories of the life and energy that we used to have. We remember that ever-present idea that we could always accomplish great things on a later day. Now our later days have come and the great things are mocking shadows. Our only hope is that our children will do better. That way everything that we have learned and accomplished isn’t for nothing.
Please, children, listen. You are the embodiment of our hopes and dreams. I apologize for the burden, and I wish that I had been a stronger person to accomplish them myself. I know that I resented my parents for doing the same thing to me. I know that you need to live your own lives. But please, do not fall into the traps that I have. Learn from my mistakes. Do as I say, not as I do. Seek the difficult journey and forgo the temporary amusement. I believe that it will pay off in the end. I know that the other way does not.
I hate seeing old pictures of myself. They aren’t of the person that I remember being. Every time I see them, I want to scream as myself, to warn myself against the traps of laziness and procrastination, and the even greater traps of temporary treasure and impermanent pleasure.
I never properly see myself. I am continually surprised by the mirror. In my mind, I am youthful, handsome, brilliant. Sadly, the mirror shows me a face and a body that I don’t completely recognize. The pictures on my wall remind me that a great deal of my youth has been misspent. Together, the mirrors and pictures remind me that I do not have the youth that I thought I had, that I was not as brilliant in my youth as I have always believed myself to have been.
I see the dreams and promise in those pictures, and I’m angered that those dreams and promises now feel broken. This is why parents are so hard on their children. We are haunted by memories of the life and energy that we used to have. We remember that ever-present idea that we could always accomplish great things on a later day. Now our later days have come and the great things are mocking shadows. Our only hope is that our children will do better. That way everything that we have learned and accomplished isn’t for nothing.
Please, children, listen. You are the embodiment of our hopes and dreams. I apologize for the burden, and I wish that I had been a stronger person to accomplish them myself. I know that I resented my parents for doing the same thing to me. I know that you need to live your own lives. But please, do not fall into the traps that I have. Learn from my mistakes. Do as I say, not as I do. Seek the difficult journey and forgo the temporary amusement. I believe that it will pay off in the end. I know that the other way does not.
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