My Grandma Marks used to tell me that I was going to grow up to be priest. For as far back as I can remember, I can still picture her saying that. I don't know if she would just say that because she wanted a priest in the family, or if she felt that there was something special about me that made her say that to me. I have never conferred with my brother or cousins to see if she made similar claims to them.
I had the impression that Father Jim was hoping that I would become a priest. Had things been different in my life, I think that I may have made that move if for no other reason than to gain more of his approval. Father Jim inspired me in so many ways, and I wanted (and want) to be able to do the same for others.
For a while, I even thought about pursuing a theological degree. As I had a family, my plan would have been to become a minister in a Christian religion that allowed married men to preach. But it felt too false. I really do believe in the teachings and practices of the Catholic Church. While some other denominations are close, they just don't hit the mark for me.
I had made up my mind well before meeting Father Jim that I wasn't going to become a priest. For one, I am too drawn to the opposite sex. For another, I was (and am still to a lesser degree now) struggling with my faith. I even wrote once that I had an agreement with God: that I would doubt and question but that I would eventually come to believe as long as He was patient with me. Yet the most important reason that I didn't become a priest was that I didn't feel the "calling." I have heard a calling before, and it was to go to Alaska, so I know what one is. I just didn't get one for that profession.
That doesn't keep me from thinking about what I would say were I to be giving the Sunday sermon (as this series of blogs has probably indicated). I hope that Grandma doesn't feel too let down with my choices. Right now, I am not sure that I am where I need to be, but I think that God is still having a hand in guiding my path, and I think that she understands that. I look forward to getting to hear that from her some day.
I had the impression that Father Jim was hoping that I would become a priest. Had things been different in my life, I think that I may have made that move if for no other reason than to gain more of his approval. Father Jim inspired me in so many ways, and I wanted (and want) to be able to do the same for others.
For a while, I even thought about pursuing a theological degree. As I had a family, my plan would have been to become a minister in a Christian religion that allowed married men to preach. But it felt too false. I really do believe in the teachings and practices of the Catholic Church. While some other denominations are close, they just don't hit the mark for me.
I had made up my mind well before meeting Father Jim that I wasn't going to become a priest. For one, I am too drawn to the opposite sex. For another, I was (and am still to a lesser degree now) struggling with my faith. I even wrote once that I had an agreement with God: that I would doubt and question but that I would eventually come to believe as long as He was patient with me. Yet the most important reason that I didn't become a priest was that I didn't feel the "calling." I have heard a calling before, and it was to go to Alaska, so I know what one is. I just didn't get one for that profession.
That doesn't keep me from thinking about what I would say were I to be giving the Sunday sermon (as this series of blogs has probably indicated). I hope that Grandma doesn't feel too let down with my choices. Right now, I am not sure that I am where I need to be, but I think that God is still having a hand in guiding my path, and I think that she understands that. I look forward to getting to hear that from her some day.
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