I've been fighting with this bug on and off for the past week.  I felt myself at the losing end of the battle Sunday night and now am in the phase where I'm just bone-tired and feeling sorry for myself.  Janelle loves it when I get this way.

I'm tired enough that the idea of calling in sick tomorrow has a certain appeal.  However, one of the difficulties of teaching is that calling in sick requires enough trouble and headaches that it's usually best to just go in unless the illness is truly debilitating.  This kind of cold is one I can work through; it will just keep me crankier than normal.

Perhaps I'll get lucky and this cold will quickly pass me from my whining stage into my cold-euphoria state.  In that mode, I'm tired enough to not even care how tired I am, and I begin to enjoy the achiness of my body and fuzzy-headedness that comes with the later stages of a cold.  Most people I've talked to have not experienced such a feeling, which makes me wonder again about my mental state, but also makes me feel special for having such a reaction to colds (and occasionally certain types of flu).

That said, I think it's time for me to get to sleep.

The devil tempts Jesus three times in today's Gospel.  In all of them, he promises Jesus worldly delights.  I would not have fared as well as Jesus.

Often, I have succumbed to the false promises of an impermanent world rather than strive for the heavenly treasures that God has made for me.  Yet, earthly gifts provide satisfaction for only a short period of time before new desires spring to life in my mind.  The world promises that happiness can be bought, or at least borrowed, through the acquisition of things, but that happiness is fleeting.

I suppose that this is also my greatest complaint about our current celebrations of St. Valentine's Day.  I fully approve of having a day that celebrates love in a time when depression can take such a strong hold of our mindsets.  Although light has begun to return to the northern hemisphere, our vitamin D deficiency has accumulated to a point that life can seem to have lost its color.  What better time is there to have people tell one another that they love them?

Unfortunately, our society is focused on selling "proof" of our love.  Cards, chocolates, flowers, and other gifts are "required" to show this devotion.  I argue that any love that one has to buy is not truly love.  Still, people buy into the devil's promise to turn stones into bread.  

Our love should be sustained through our devotion to those whom we love from day to day.  Our reminders of this love should not require anything more than us expressing our feelings through the simple phrase: "I love you."  

That said, I wouldn't say no to chocolate.

The boys and I watched Star Trek: First Contact tonight while Janelle was away at work.  We had first tried to watch some shows from Hulu that Janelle does not care as much about, but our Internet connection was not stable enough to stream a show (Hulu, in particular, tends to be rather finicky).  Thankfully, we had found the Star Trek movies on an earlier foray into our moving boxes.  Otherwise, the boys were wanting to watch the LEGO movie again.  I love the movie too, but only to a point.

All of the boys enjoyed the movie, although Trevor hid his face several times--not at the "scary" parts with the borg, but in the "embarrassing" moments when the crew of the Enterprise tried to talk to people from their past, especially when Deanna got drunk.  He really is a chip off the ol' block.

My favorite element of this movie is the hope for our future that it represents.  Granted, Star Trek lore suggests that we are nearing a third world war, but it also holds this date of "first contact" in it as well, a time when humankind puts aside its petty differences and strives towards the stars.  In Star Trek's "history," our first successful warp drive flight catches the attention of a nearby space-faring civilization who decides that we are ready to join the larger community in our galaxy.

I've always hoped for such a day.  While so much science fiction is focused on the fear of space and the possible threats that await in the dark, but brilliant beyond, my vision has always been more in line of the relatively peaceful exploration and adventure that the Star Trek universe has usually represented.  I look forward towards the time when people work towards bettering themselves and our world as an end in itself.  I believe that such is the future we will achieve; I hope that I get to be a part of it.

I haven't done much of my own writing outside of my daily updates in a number of years.  I've had a couple of abortive story starts, and I've spent a little bit of time fine-tuning some of my older works--especially Dragon Hunter, but that's been about it.  While some of the issue has been time and the number of obligations that I have, I think that the greater problem is that it's just hard ... and I'm kind of lazy.

I was thinking about this today because, for the first time in months, I turned on my "writing inspiration" playlist while waiting to pick up Trevor from pep band tonight.  Due to the limited space on my phone, I only have four songs on the list.  Each song corresponds to a script that I have written or want to write in a series set in a place that I call, for lack of a better name, Dragon World.

The first song is Evanescence's "Bring Me to Life" which was my main inspiration when writing the movie script for The Mark of the Wizard: The Rogue and the Bride (I know ... I'm not great with titles).  Before I had even started writing the script, this song inspired a number of scenes which I would later actually write.  It has long been my hope that, should this script ever become an actual movie, I would be able to cut a trailer from scenes of the movie to fit this song.  Interestingly, the story that the music trailer would tease is actually different than the actual movie.

The second song is "I Would Walk 500 Miles" by the Proclaimers.  While I haven't written anything for this script yet, the story (which is tentatively titled The Mark of the Wizard II: A Singer by Trade) picks up a couple of years after the first one left off, but follows the story that I created for the first real adventure that I ever DM'ed.  In it, characters discover the lost lore of the dragon riders and the tragedy that befell them.  They are warned that another such tragedy is quickly approaching and that they must find the champion to help defend them.  Straightforward hero stuff with some lost-love thrown in based on how The Rogue and the Bride ends.

Song number three was actually the last song to make my list.  Fittingly, since the third script is a planned rewrite of my attempt to write Star Wars Episode II which I titled Descent into Darkness, the song is "No Light No Light" by Florence and the Machine.  The idea of remaking the script that I enjoyed creating but ultimately could never see the light of day as a Star Wars movie was actually Steve Flemington's idea.  I particularly like this move as it takes A Singer by Trade's more traditional storyline and turns it on its head.  Suddenly, the champion who is supposed to save everyone becomes their greatest threat.  Vader comparisons are intentional.  One note: to make this transition from Star Wars to Mark of the Wizard work, I had to change the gender of the champion.  In my D&D game, the champion was female; I would have had to completely rewrite both The Rogue and the Bride and Decent into Darkness to get that to even kind of work.  And as I've already noted, I'm too lazy to even write the scripts I haven't started.

This leaves the final song, Genesis's "Land of Confusion," to wrap up this bizarre one-movie-longer-than-a-trilogy series.  I don't have a title for the last script (although Land of Confusion would do nicely), but it takes my world to the brink of destruction, and so I had originally toyed with the title "The Last Hope" which would have been the title to the Star Wars Episode III script that I never wrote (I thought that would be such a great tie-in to Episode IV: A New Hope).  Of all of the scripts I haven't written, this one has the clearest scenes in my mind but the least amount of plot.  I really don't know where this one would take me.

I've also toyed with the idea of writing these as novels instead of as scripts, but one is already complete in script form, another is closer to script than novel, and ... well, lazy.

It has been nice to have these songs, and the scenes they produce in my mind, run through my head again.  

Despite my infatuation with Tower house, we will not be pursuing it further.  Yesterday's second showing revealed a large number of problems that my rose-tinted eyes did not see the first time.  I still see a great deal of potential in the house, but there were at least three things that I noticed (and who knows what I didn't notice) which an appraiser would require to be fixed before a loan could go through, and one was a structural support.  It didn't help that, no matter what sort of future I could see for each room, I was saying "well, first that ... and that ... and that ... and maybe that would have to be finished (or fixed)" in every room.  It's an enormous house (the two large garages are not included in the square footage, but a few completely unfinished rooms are) with an amazing view, but I was seeing more what it could be rather than what it is.  I'm guessing that is probably the same issue that the current owners are in considering the amount of renovation that they've done while still leaving so much unfinished.  For some reason, scenes from the movie "The Money Pit" have been going through my head.  Still, it was a nice dream while it lasted.

On a brighter note, I received a text today from one of the friends that I made in Salt Lake City last summer.  Not only is he planning to go (he had been unsure and has to use up sick days to do so), but he renewed his interest in rooming with me.  We had a good time last year and share a number of interests.  ... I hope I don't drive him to insanity.  While we have to wait a month before making our room reservations, I did get my flights confirmed today.  Thankfully, ETS (the company in charge of the reading) is also paying for the flights from Kenai to Anchorage (and vice versa) since I don't think Janelle wanted to make the Anchorage trip without me.  The entire idea has me feeling a bit charged.  ... This means that I'm excited about grading essays for eight hours a day for seven straight days ...  I wonder what they put in the food there ...

And one extraneous piece of information: Yesterday, for the first time since I've been here, I had to come to a full stop for a moose.  This is different than the numerous times that I have voluntarily stopped to watch these massive animals.  This time, a young moose decided to cross the road in front of the car ahead of me, necessitating a rather sudden stop on our parts.  No one (and no car) was injured, and the moose continued on its way as though we were beneath its notice--which, I suppose, we technically were.

Each year I'm faced with the question of what my Lenten devotion should be.  I have learned from experience that giving up video games does not go well for me or the people who have to deal with me during that time.  Over the years, I have usually added new practices as a way to start good habits in my daily life outside of Lent as well.  The problem is that I've been successful.  I have incorporated prayer more and more into my daily life, including regularly praying the rosary, reading religious texts each day, and doing some sort of daily writing.

I'm not saying that I don't have anything left to give up or do, but the choices are less obvious to me.  This year, I went through a list of possibilities before finally deciding on one: I plan to limit my time on Facebook (and other such social media) to two five minute sessions during the day (one in the morning and one at night).  Lately, I've been losing a great deal of time in the realm of Facebook.  It hasn't been time well spent.

As a number of people have requested that I keep my daily updates going, I will continue to post them.  However, rather than try writing them while getting distracted by my news feed, I will now write them in a separate location and the copy those posts into Facebook.

I don't know if this will make me a better person, but hopefully I will be able to use my time a little bit more constructively.

First, an apology: I have often written about my contentment, enthusiasm, and joy about my new job, friends, and life in Alaska.  In doing so, I in no way intended to suggest that the people who we left behind are not appreciated or missed.  Leaving behind my friends and family has been the most difficult part of this move.  And it has been a difficult move, not just for me, Janelle​, and the boys, but for the many people who care for us and did so enough to let us go and even help us on our journey.

I've certainly needed the help.  This move was tremendously rash.  Especially considering the immediate future, it was in no way financially sound.  While I knew about the higher costs in Alaska, I did not fully comprehend the financial strain this move would put us, and the people who have helped us, under.  I didn't know (and still don't fully understand) the way that medical insurance and retirement would change because of the move.  I just believed that things would work out.

This is a part of my arrogant nature.  I expect things to work out for me, and when they don't, I count on others to help me out.  My plans usually focus on what I want rather than what is practical, leading me to often ignore information that disagrees with any conclusion that I have already reached.  I've been working at getting better at this, but there are any number of items in this move that show I haven't yet learned my lesson.

Case in point: I want the next house that we live in to be the last house that we move to until I retire (or even longer).  With that in mind, I want it large enough to be a jump-off point for any family or friends who want to visit or even move up here themselves.  I want it to be large enough that all of my children, and at some point--grandchildren, can stay with us.  I want it to be a place where my wife has the space to work on the art and projects which she loves so much.  With the high price of housing in Alaska, this means looking at houses that are beyond what my salary can afford (especially considering the 12-13 years of paid experience that I lost in the move).

To balance this, I have been looking at houses that have some sort of rental possibility attached to them.  The idea is that this will both help the house pay for itself while also offsetting some of the costs that living up in Alaska has.  Unfortunately, this means an even more expensive house, not to mention taking on a task that is entirely unfamiliar to me.  I want this plan to work, and that doubtlessly leaves me blind to other problems and pitfalls.

Especially considering what I've just said, please do not judge me too harshly when I say that we looked at Tower house today and I was smitten.  There are some issues that we noticed and probably more that we will not know unless the power is restored and an inspector goes through, but all I could envision was the potential that I saw in the place.  We still have a great deal of discussion ahead of us, but I worry that I already have decided that I want it to the point that I might be ignoring some valid questions and concerns.

Like I said, I'm working on this particular fault of mine; I certainly haven't conquered it.

I'm glad that Janelle's "mother's group" at our church has decided to invite the entire family to their gatherings. We got the chance to talk with other adults, eat good food (taco bar), learn a new game (Monopoly Deal), and let the boys run around without driving us too crazy. Mostly, it was good to meet with people who have similar interests, concerns, and feelings so we can share ideas, learn more about our community, and bond.

In general, Soldotna has been a very welcoming community. In the case of this group, that feeling of welcome is magnified even more. It has been good to make such good connections in such a short period of time. I look forward to growing our relationships in the coming months and years.

These past few days have felt like a substantial win for me in regards to becoming more a part of the community. Our staff meal times yesterday and then today's staff development allowed me to make some surprising connections with people based on Star Wars, Catan, and even my struggle with diabetes. I've been surprised at how many people at my school share many of the same interests that I have. Even my conferences with parents showed common interests beyond just the well-being of the students.

Add in the massive snowflakes that fell for a few hours today and, despite my anxieties about where we will live and how we will pay for it, I really feel that I've found a community where I truly belong. ​

As usual, I look forward to parent-teacher conferences. I rarely get a parent who is irate with me and I usually have good conversations with parents that give them something to be proud of for their child and something that they can work on together. Conferences also usually give me an opportunity to explain my classroom and class in a way that allows the parents to be more successful in helping their students at home should they need it. All-in-all, it's a series of wins.

As we started our day in professional development, our administration provided us with a continental breakfast, a fully catered lunch, and a dinner of pizza. Unfortunately, my new dietary restrictions severely limited what I was able to eat, but I truly am grateful for what they did for us. I don't know about other people, but my loyalty can easily be established through food.

The hardest part was not grabbing one of the doughnuts that came from The Moose Is Loose bakery. I don't know if I will always be able to resist such temptation, but I was glad that I could at least do so today. My recent visit with the diabetic consultant revealed that, although I've had a significant drop in my blood sugar in the past few months, I still have a ways to go.

Tomorrow we go in for the second part of our professional development. While this hasn't been the best so far, I've at least enjoyed the laughter and comradery that I've shared with my fellow staff members. I hope tomorrow goes at least as well. ​